101 Pieces.
Oh my goodness. There are so many more than 101 pieces, but if you can bear to get through 101 then we are cooking on gas. You will know me a little better 😉
1) I have never broken a significant bone, other than a toe.
2) I have a massive propensity to make absolutely terrible decisions based on really stupid logic. My friends refer to it as my ‘Yes Man’ theory.
3) I am the oldest kid but also girl three (my grandparents have four granddaughters and we grew up in a mash of arms and legs and fighting and singing. Chaos) It means that sometimes (mostly always) I am bossy and opinionated, but sometimes I revert to unsure and flighty.
4) I would take a book over a film any day. I was the shy (I know, unbelievable) one at school with her nose in a book, and as an adult I get really upset when films ruin my favourite books.
5) I have what is referred to in the family as ‘The Tinker Brow’. It means that I have really long dark and curly eyebrows, which try to collide like mating caterpillars if I don’t take serious action.
6) I’m good at stuff. But if I’m not good at something, I am really bad at giving up before giving it a serious go. When learning to surf I sat on the shore for a while being cross before I manned up and got back in.
7) I love California. A little bit of my heart stays there every time I leave. This means that one day I will need to live there, or have half a heart.
8) I am what people call musically schizophrenic. I am influenced by hundreds of different factors, but songs remind me of people and can set me off into any sort of mood.
9) I am not a morning person. This is a massive understatement. Grumpy, moody and grouchy have all been names for me pre 9am; it’s not that I am any of these things; I’m just like the walking wounded
10) I can’t wear gorgeous high heels. I just moan.
11) I am awesome.
12) My grandfather is the most interesting person I know.
13) I type so fast that sometimes I break nails. My boss says sometimes steam comes off my keyboard.
14) But I also have a real knack of breaking anything computer related. In the past month I have managed to set my desktop to both Korean and French by accidently knocking buttons, and my computer systematically turns itself off all the time for no apparent reason.
15) I am rubbish with cars too. I try to be a good driver, but bad things seem to happen in my general region.
16) I love cats. I once had two kittens but in an awkward split with an ex-boyfriend, he got to keep them.
17) For this reason (and a handful of others) I think it will take a miracle to make me live with a boy again.
18) Or get another pet.
19) Or get another boyfriend for that matter!
20) As a teenager I had a ginger cat with three legs. It now lives with Dad. His name is Jake, named after Jake the peg, who actually had an extra leg. Good one, little sister!
21) I believe in second chances and taking people for the person that they are at this snippet in time, not who they have been or might be.
22) I am in love with a three year old and a four month old. My friend Lou’s children are the most beautiful things ever (and I don’t really like other people’s children) and I would do anything for them.
23) I am pretty good at playing the piano.
24) But I don’t like keyboards.
25) In the shower I think I can sing, out of the shower I admit that I actually cannot.
26) I am one of the strongest people I know; this is a positive and a negative. I bounce back quickly, but have the propensity to come across as cold. It’s my wall.
27) I am diabetic. I inject five times a day at least and I test my blood around 8 times.
28) I am terrified of flying.
29) But I conquered it and went to Australia on my own.
30) Please refer to #11.
31) My sister is the total opposite of me. If we weren’t born two years apart I would swear we were once one whole; she got half the stuff, I got the other half.
32) I still have a great grandmother. She is 98 and still going strong. She does have a ‘space maker’ now though, and always leaves voicemail messages with the sign off “love, Nan”. Bless her.
33) I love Ryan Reynolds, Jon Bon Jovi and the tall one from JLS.
34) My favourite dinner is Toad in the Hole. I love it.
35) I often put my contact lenses in the wrong eyes.
36) I’m a total creature of habit. Being out of my comfort zone makes me panic.
37) I also really have to know what’s going on before the day. So if I have plans with someone I need to know what I’m doing and what time I’m doing it.
38) The best date I ever went on was to the Comedy Club in London. This was closely followed by breaking into mini golf at night.
39) I really hope the person I went to the Comedy Club with never reads this post; he is an idiot and therefore doesn’t deserve this accolade. But I can’t deny, it was a good date.
40) I’m not a conventional girl. I don’t like girlie stuff and I rarely cry in front of anyone other than my house girls, mother or sister. Heart of stone!
41) But I do cry a lot. Like in confrontational situations, I have to take five to scarper off for a tactical cry before returning with force. It’s a release thing I think.
42) I cannot stand Justin Bieber. He totally stole my hair cut.
43) If it wasn’t for laughter, I think I would die.
44) I am accident prone. I broke my toe falling out of the party shop in town. Awkward.
45) I can drive a great big van with ease.
46) But I don’t like to.
47) I can’t really go to the cinema. I have the bladder of a ninety year old and the concentration of a four year old. It’s a disappointing mix.
48) I would love to be one of those people who can go out dancing till the sun comes up. I haven’t been able to do that for a good five years. It sucks!
49) I am the person people come to in awkward situations. Friends call me after getting drunk and going home with randoms with requests such as “I don’t know where I am. But I think you went to school with (xxx). Can you come find me?” or “can you come pick me up? Can you bring a hairbrush? And knickers?” I’m like a modern day Batman.
50) I would do anything for you. But break my heart or let me down and you will find it nigh on impossible to gain my trust again.
51) I love to swim.
52) I don’t like steam rooms because when the water drips off the top I think its other peoples sweat.
53) I have an overactive imagination.
54) I hate the smell of petrol.
55) My ears are really wonky. I reckon one is a good centimetre higher than the other. It makes glasses look ridiculous.
56) If I could be stuck in a lift with a famous person it would be Coco Chanel. Or Ryan Reynolds.
57) I had never been to a festival till this year. I think it will be my first, and last.
58) I think if it came to it, I could drink my own pee.
59) I couldn’t cut my arm off however.
60) People at work call me Nanna. Because I don’t know about computers and I often speak before I think. Which is particularly embarrassing when I hear things wrong.
61) I have a thing about tattoos.
62) I am quite intelligent. It takes a while for people to realise this. My bad.
63) I get really nervous around criers. It often makes me a) say the wrong thing b) seem a bit uninterested c) laugh. I can’t help it. I just know I will say the wrong thing from experience, so I panic.
64) I think the creative side of my brain dominates the analytic side. Give me some glitter and a sewing machine and I can make you a creation; ask me to do something hard in excel and I might have a cry in the loo.
65) I used to look like a female Harry Potter as a child. It was awkward. When people meet me now that I knew at school they rarely remember me. It’s like “She’s All That”! Take off the glasses and braces, and voila! How novel.
66) I have a worryingly mental ability to be able to listen to the same song on repeat for weeks before changing. My family and housemates often wonder what they did in a previous life to deserve it.
67) I am really messy in my bedroom (clothes all over the place, always treading on plugs) but kitchens and bathrooms HAVE TO BE CLEAN or I struggle to sleep.
68) I love watching repeats of How Clean Is Your House. Filthy people!
69) I have had the same hairdresser for the last four years. I don’t trust anyone to come near my head with a sharp implement other than our Nina. She is married to an old housemate, and the only one I trust after a bad hair incident when I was fourteen.
70) I am a magnet for people with baggage. A friend once referred to it as my NSPCC/ RSPCA complex.
71) I am finding this really difficult. Kudos if you have read this far. I think I would have browsed away aaaages ago.
72) I hate the snow. It’s cold and wet.
73) I also hate winter. I need constant sun to light my life.
74) I fall in love with the wrong sort of people. If Colin Farrell lived in my city, I swear I’d be able to seek him out and fall for him before you said “id watch out for that one love”.
75) I give good advice. Sadly I do not take my own.
76) I believe that we have all been here before, in some way or another.
77) Fireworks remind me of my auntie. She died in late August, and that night there were fireworks. You don’t normally hear them in the UK unless its November.
78) I love taking photos. I also love finding old photos. They never fail to raise emotion.
79) I believe people come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime. But a lot of them leave a fingerprint on your heart in some way or another.
80) I like to think that metaphorically if they removed my heart it would look like a map of people; everyone that has made an impression on me for however long would be there. Like a yearbook.
81) If unicorns existed I think my life would be that little bit better.
82) I once got likened to a bush baby. I have really big eyes.
83) I went on a date once and the guy asked me “are you tall enough to be called normal?” yes, yes I am. See #19.
84) I am left handed.
85) I am addicted to cheese. Any sort of cheese. I love the stuff. I could never give it up.
86) For this reason, and many others, I don’t have a body like Megan Fox.
87) Well I do, but its currently well wrapped.
88) I wear my heart on my sleeve. This is something I am working on.
89) I can’t drink wine.
90) Ooooh, I’ve reached ninety!
91) I have a bald patch where I pull my hair out when im stressed.
92) I used to work in the cosmetics department. I didn’t fit in. I wasn’t orange enough and my boyfriend at the time used to tell me “have fun colouring in!” when I head off to work.
93) I have also done lettings, bar work and worked as a bitch for a marketing agency.
94) I am terrible at DIY.
95) I once hugged my dad in Homebase. It wasn’t my dad. Ouch.
96) I used to hate my sister because she was so annoying.
97) I now love her more than anything ever. Even when she steals my stuff.
98) I live in a flat with two amazing girls. We have such fun. Except when the bills come, then its less fun, but 80’s music normally lightens the mood.
99) I get annoyed when talented musicians and actors turn out to be younger than me. It makes me feel like I have wasted life. I’m going to have to get used to it, as I am getting older!
100) My car is called betty.
101) I’m done!!!
Laura's Letters 