CTRL+ALT=DELETE

28 May

When you go to school, they tell you that you will probably only remain friends with 3 people by the time you are 30. You look around you at all the faces of the people you deem to be your BEST FRIENDS EVER and you vow that the teacher is old, not very nice and doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

But how many friends that you went to school with do you still see? Regularly enough to class them as a friend, rather than an acquaintance? I look at my close friends, and think about where they came from. Mostly from work, if I’m honest, some friends of friends from school that I made friends with, but on the whole only 2 very close friends from my school days. And weirdly, my infant school days.

[UNSET]

The concept of friendship is done to death, isn’t it? you have friends, in some cases you have enemies, you have frenemies (you know the ones, the people who you meet at parties and then sneak a jellyfish into the conversation and sting you with some off the hand comment) and these friendships strengthen and weaken depending on external factors in your life and theirs, depending on your location, and oftentimes, what you partner thinks of them.

But what happens when you get unfriended? It sounds like playground nonsense, but it happens more often that you think, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. sometimes you notice and shrug it off, thinking that you probably would have done the same eventually, and sometimes it really hurts. The worst is when you can’t work out why

 facebook-friend-makes-status-about-deleting-a-bunch-of-friends-o

I’ve had a couple of them in the past, and one really bloody hurt. I was in my early twenties, and I went out with a couple of my close friends for some drinks. One of the girls, who I deemed one of my closest friends, was there,and pretty hammered. And so was her boyfriend, who kept being pretty inappropriate. In the end I left early as I wasn’t sure what to do, but I went to say goodbye to her first. She screamed me out in the middle of the bar and accused me of coming onto her boyfriend. I went home (totally sober and driving) figuring it was probably best to talk to her in the morning when she wasn’t drunk. We never spoke again. I called sporadically for 6 months or so, and then just gave up. The worst thing was that the other friend then sent me a text to say we had grown apart and she didn’t think we should see each other either.

It sounds like a sketch from Mean Girls, doesn’t it? But it hurt. Especially as these were the girls I had gone to school with and thought I would be friends with for life. And I questioned it for the longest time, wondering what I could have done differently in the situation and what I had actually done wrong, before finally accepting that I handled myself just fine, and this was just one of those casualties of life.

I firmly believe you have to shed to grow, and we are all guilty of unfriending now and then (although possibly not quite so harsh as my one!)

Have you ever been CTRL+ALT+DELETED from someones life?

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8 Responses to “CTRL+ALT=DELETE”

  1. Rajiv May 28, 2014 at 4:29 pm #

    From childhood, none left.

  2. Rajiv May 28, 2014 at 4:30 pm #

    From my teens and post-grad… Yes

  3. prenin May 28, 2014 at 4:38 pm #

    All my friends sold me out and continued to do so whenever a money making opportunity came along apart from Darren who was made a gangster in return for turning on me! 😦

    These days I have my friends from church, people I know where I shop and Doug the alcoholic parasite who goes from begging for help to threatening to get a gun and shoot everyone that’s crossed him, currently the staff at the Jobcentre.

    I’ve been patient, but he has not improved and last heard had paid a druggy prostitute woman to get him a gun.

    If she has the sense she’ll stay well away from him… 😦

    Makes a difference from being deleted on Faeces Book doesn’t it? 🙂

    Love and huge hugs my friend!!! 🙂

    Prenin.

  4. mariner2mother May 28, 2014 at 5:24 pm #

    Absolutely! There was a gal who was a friend for about four or five years (our sons were in preschool together). We would get together and talk about self improvement type of stuff. Then I noticed a pattern with her that involved her becoming stinking drunk and doing things that I couldn’t tolerate (leave her family, only to return 3 days later). When she finally moved forward on doing some therapy, I sent her an e-mail telling her that I was so proud of her, that she was finally going to figure out what was behind this unhealthy pattern she kept repeating and digging in and looking at why she was an alcoholic (that she openly admitted). Apparently, she reacted quite badly to my support and openness and pitched a huge fit (her husband let me know). At that I truly saw her with clear eyes for the first time. Not only is she an alcoholic, but she has some major personality disorder/ issues as well. Since she hasn’t spoken to me since that e-mail, I’ve taken this opportunity to be very thankful to be rid of her. I see that I have been doing work on myself and have genuinely changed quite a bit over the past 3-4 years, while she has been spinning her wheels. If a friend wants to let you go, it’s for the best.

  5. Gretchen O'Donnell May 28, 2014 at 6:29 pm #

    I hate being deleted too. I always take it personally. I have deleted a few people but only ones I barely knew and I still feel guilty about it!

  6. philosophermouseofthehedge May 28, 2014 at 6:36 pm #

    The only one from early childhood remained for a long time until cancer claimed her. We saw each other infrequently as adults, but when together it was always like never being away.My husband has 6 friends from childhood/college.
    Email/FB makes it easier to keep up with people with such a mobile society – but it’s not always the same type of feeling of friendship- just trying hard to keep in touch: threads that become more and more fragile.
    Women/girls seem to be so mean to each other and worry so much about competition.
    Too much stress. Life moves on with new adventures and people.

  7. Sheila May 28, 2014 at 7:38 pm #

    I’ve lived in several places and most of the friends I’ve “lost” along the way have been shed due to geography and time rather than any conflict. A few I’ve managed to keep in spite of the logistics. Facebook has actually helped in that area. But I also have “acquaintances” that I’m sure would not survive a lot of time together…just too different in personality. Tricky, isn’t it?! ~ Sheila

  8. Sam June 12, 2014 at 5:58 am #

    I did the control + alt last year on a friendship of more than 20 years. I realised it wasnt good for me to be in that space any more. It wasn’t a healthy friendship and it was a rather negative one. It was extremely difficult to end it but something that had to be done. Though I didnt do it in a bar on a drunken night!

    Remember people come into your life for a season and a reason. Sometimes them leaving is the best thing – even if it doesn’t seem like it.

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