Whether tall or short, skinny or fat, male or female, every human being has one horrible thing in common.
Its affected all of us in some way, at one point or another. Those rushed mornings where you thought that your exercise regime would get the kick it needed if you just ran before work, or the sweaty evenings that you wanted to veg out in front of the TV but someone made you go for a run with them… we can all relate.
There are a few different categories that all of us fall into:
The “I Must Go To The Gym To Enjoy Life”-rs
You know these ones. They’re the men who wear teeny tiny Speedos in the pool, always wear Lycra or t shirts that are 3 sizes too small for them with an enhanced deep V and always have shaved backs. If you don’t shave your back dude, you aren’t in the gang. The female of the species have ponytails long enough to whip you with if you get too close to them in aerobics, always have a water bottle that matches their bra (WHO DOES THAT?!) and wear lip gloss. In the showers.
Always on show, their defining feature is that although they put everyone to shame in the canteen by eating “only fish and vegetables” they love cake in the privacy of their own home and drink their weekly calorie intake in gin and tonics at the weekend. We’re onto you, skinny minnies.
The “I Took Out A Membership, Goddamit”-ters
Its OK people, I’ve got this one. I used to go to the gym religiously, 5 days a week. If I couldn’t make it n the evening I would go at lunch and run for half an hour, returning to my desk with the complexion of a tomato / human hybrid, and I felt really good about myself. I think I was on crack.
One day I didn’t go, and this day turned into a week, and a month, and before I knew it I had diligently been paying my gym membership for 6 months and could count on one hand the 3 times I swam, and twice I used the shower when our hot water tank was broken at the flat. The most expensive swim and hairwash I will ever have. But I felt safe in the knowledge that if I wanted to go to work out, I could.
I also own a pair of yoga pants that although are sometimes used for yoga, more often serve the purpose of its too early for pj’s but I must take these jeans off. And we are in love.
The “The Gym is So Shameful, I Hate It Here”s
These guys and girls always wear massive grey marl t shirts and cycling shorts, and want to be working out even less that I do. Someone told them that they had to go, or they have booked a holiday where they know they might have to put on a bikini, and they want to tone up, work out and feel better. Good for them! But the gym is a loveless place, and the constant worry of bumping into someone they know / breaking something / getting horrendous sweat patches puts them off so much that they look like a puppy that’s been kicked.
The “I’m A Newbie Exercise Class”ers
Yeah, I fall into this category too. I’m the one in a class that I have done a million times that always dances the wrong way, or (and this has happened) roundhouse kicks left when I am supposed to be roundhouse kicking right in a combat class, only for my foot to make contact with some guys face. I’m also the one that gets the giggles in yoga and has to leave for fear of throwing up in spinning. Don’t get me started.
The “I’m Here So I’m Getting My Moneys Worth”ers
You can spot these guys a mile off. They are often seen chatting to the people working on the front desk, asking too many questions in classes and calling out to the instructors by name. they have paid their monthly fee and are determined to participate in all the classes, moaning about how they don’t like this one as it puts their back out.
Which category do you fall into? Are there any more?