Hairy McLairy

18 Mar

Sometimes being a girl is hard. You see all the celebrities doing it successfully, with their teeny tiny little stiletto heels and their perfectly solid fringes, and you look in the mirror and wonder what went wrong. Specifically, the fact that you are wearing sweat pants (or in my case yoga pants that are barely ever used for yoga), have toothpaste on your tank top, and hair that looks like you got caught in the eye of a storm. And that’s just Monday.

I’ve talked in length about beauty treatments before – tanning disasters, not understanding how people relax during massages; the list is endless. But last night when chatting with my sister, I remembered my first leg waxing experience.

Lets share.

For those new to this AA style giving out of information, my name is Belle (well, it isn’t) and I have skin like Casper the Friendly Ghost, just slightly less friendly. The polite amongst us refer to it as ‘creamy’ or ‘albaster’; in all honesty its basically see through and scary to children when devoid of makeup. My hair on the other hand, is naturally the darkest of brown, so of you are visualising Morticia Addams, then you wouldn’t be far off the mark.

Its funny how beautifying can get us from A to B, isn’t it?

Image

Roald Dahl wasn’t far off….

 

I remember with alarm the first time I decided waxing my legs was the answer. I bought th strips, diligently read the instructions and decided that, fully armed with the information, I would go ahead. I waited till everyone was out of the house (preparing for screams that no one could hear and ridiculing from my little sister) and stuck a strip onto my leg. Fine. I tentatively gave it a little tweak. Ouch.

I had a dilemma. I could either rip it off, like a plaster and be in agony, or I could leave it there. It would fall off eventually. I pulled again. It REALLY hurt.

Fast forward to two hours later, and my sister returned. I filled her in with the details of the dramatic leg waxing episode. She laughed, and asked me to see the red bit where the waxing strip was.

Ahem.

I rolled up the leg of my trousers, and there, bold as brass, was the wax strip. I had gone with leaving it there forever, where it remains to this day.

Not really. My sister spent a good forty minutes giggling at my plight, which made me really huffy and then decided to help me by lunging at it and ripping it off. I thought she had cut my leg off.

Needless to say, over the last decade I have seriously manned up and created a workaround. One of my best friends is a beautician so she does my waxing at her house, where my goddaughters live. I figure that screaming swear words at her isn’t suitable for the delicate ears of my babies, so I keep my mouth shut.

There’s always a solution, right?

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13 Responses to “Hairy McLairy”

  1. Go Jules Go March 18, 2013 at 12:43 pm #

    Preach! I bought one of those home waxing kits once. Emphasis on ‘once.’ They should include in the package insert a bit on PTSD.

    • tinkerbelle86 April 15, 2013 at 9:27 pm #

      Definitely. I’m still getting trauma related waxing flash backs in the most inappropriate of situations

  2. kerrycooks March 18, 2013 at 1:07 pm #

    Haha, I too tried home waxing… ONCE. I have since come to the conclusion that applying wax to any part of your body is deeply misguided. I’ll stick to bic razors for any bits that show in the hottest months only.

  3. susielindau March 18, 2013 at 1:55 pm #

    I shave and have only waxed the very small bikini area. I haven’t gotten one of those in a couple years! When I did, it was a professional who zipped the strip!
    Youch!!!!

  4. Sandra Bell Kirchman March 18, 2013 at 2:53 pm #

    Bwahahahahahahahaaaa – ouch, my sides are hurting!

    Okay, I have recovered somewhat. I may have some good news for you. Like you, I have very fair skin (okay, I’ll accept alabaster :P). Fortunately the hair on my legs is rather fair, so doesn’t show as a field of wiry brown stuff. Wearing jeans/slacks etc. rubbed a lot of the hair off, so I didn’t have to wax OR shave (just underarms). As I have gotten older, the hair just stopped growing. None underarm or on legs. We will be delicate and not talk about other parts. However, the bad news is, at this age, you don’t give a rat’s fart if your legs/underarms are shaved at all (or waxed if you have the pain resistance and stamina).

    I guess it’s all part of “the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away” style of thinking.

  5. 1stpeaksteve March 18, 2013 at 3:52 pm #

    About your translucent skin…I think it is a northern European thing. I used to be a management type at a waterpark in Orlando that was popular with the residents of the U.K. You could always spot our guests due to the series of red stripes on their backs. I finally figured out it was from the seams in the slides that did not mesh well with the fair complexion.

    Your saving grace for the lack of pigmentation is the whole Morticia thing. Men love a dark haired woman with a dangerous side. Morticia had passion. She fenced and was a mystery. The only draw back is a woman like this can also kill you.

    I have no comment about the waxing and the perils of being a female. It is pretty sad. A man get old and even get portly; yet they can somehow rope in a woman that they have no right to ever be with.

  6. Born To Organize March 18, 2013 at 5:34 pm #

    Please add me to the once club. I’m also pail-skinned but freckles (blech) soften the pail on my face. My legs, on the other hand. ouch! And that has nothing to do with waxing.

    Thanks for the laugh. Nicely done.

  7. The Byronic Man March 18, 2013 at 8:46 pm #

    Apparently for men in prison there’s something called, like, “Magic Shave” or something. It’s a horrible chemical you rub on and it basically burns the hair out. Obviously, if you wait too long it burns other things too. That sounds like a pretty lateral shift from waxing…

  8. Rayme Wells @ A Clean Surface March 18, 2013 at 9:30 pm #

    Everyone experiences pain differently, perhaps you are more sensitive than average (although I am sure it hurts everyone).

  9. prenin March 19, 2013 at 1:37 am #

    Boy am I glad I’m a man!!! 🙂

    I heard of Brazilian Waxing, but I think the cream is the safer way to go!!! 🙂

    Oh well: Hair today… LoL!!! 😉

    Love and hugs!

    Prenin.

  10. setinmotion March 19, 2013 at 2:36 am #

    Ahh I remember the one and only time I tried to do a last-minute bikini wax at home (desperate times call for desperate measures) and I went to pull the wax strip off…only problem was, the strip came over, but the wax stayed put. Cue the next 40 minutes of plucking great clumps of hair out. Oh to be a woman!

  11. Audrey March 19, 2013 at 3:24 pm #

    Oh, waxing is the worst! And there’s is NO preparation on earth that will do for that first time you pull the strip off. These days I only get my eye brows done at the salon now and again and even then my eyes well up and I whimper like a baby, so you’re in good company. I’ll stick to shaving the legs, it’s slightly less painful….

  12. Richard L Wiseman March 23, 2013 at 1:03 pm #

    Now that’s what I call waxing lyrical….

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