Room With A View…. Of The Carpark

12 Mar

I know. I’ve been missing, presumed dead. You’ve assumed that I fell down the stairs and no one noticed didn’t you? You have visions of me being eaten by Alsatians, Bridget Jones style.

Actually, you’re not far wrong. I’ve been hibernating. The winter is officially my least favourite thing ever, and despite escaping to the sunnier climes of San Diego for the majority of January, the weather has foiled me by having a cold snap, in March.

Last year I was wearing flip flops at this time of year (albeit with slightly blue tinged toes) but this year I am pretty much wearing everything I own to try and combat the arctic winds.

Why is it that when it’s cold and the wind blows, everyone makes weird noises? I digress.

So now its mid March I feel like I have to make the effort to get out of bed (I’M WORKING FROM HOME!!), socialise with the masses, shave my legs and embrace the world outside my window. And in the spirit of this, I’m moving house.

Roco and I have finally decided to move into a little love nest of best friendy-ness together (we want to get a pet hedgehog) and although this is a fun idea, it has its limitations.

LETTINGS AGENTS.

Image

Or as I like to call them, wankers.

Having previously worked as the only female lettings agent in an office full of testosterone, I feel I have enough experience in this field to have a good moan. On my first day, the resident leader of the pack showed me to my desk, then pointed out the kettle and informed me that as part of my remit I was on tea duty. He hadn’t realised cutting remarks were kinda my thing. Regular jokes were made about my parking, my tea making, my cooking and my cleaning skills until I actually had to park one of the company cars on behalf of a bloke in the office who couldn’t get the angle right and had scraped the bumper. Y’welcome.

Estate and lettings agents are a different breed of bellend. These people seem to be bred in a factory of idiots, so they are finely tuned in not returning calls and talking “the talk”. Lettings agents tend to be the softer of the species, but as a person who has had the training and been encouraged to bullshit with the rest of them, I can firmly say that they don’t half talk bollocks.

We looked at 4 flats last night. In the defence of the first guy, he was OK. His parking though was terrible. I bit my tongue and resisted the urge to offer to park it for him. Sweetness and light…. little bundle of bitch is staying firmly covered up…

The second guy however, was a total stereotypical lettings agent. There was barely enough space behind his seat to sit, as it was reclined so far and at such an angle that only a baby would have been comfortable behind him. While showing us a new area, he asked which station we would like to be dropped at, and then told us it wasn’t on his way and that wouldn’t work, dropping us in what can only be described as the arse end of nowhere. Practically Scotland.

He then proceeded to do the talk.

“This one is my favourite! I know you’ll love it!” I looked at her and we mouthed, in perfect synchronicity, most expensive.

He then gave me the talk about the cost of referencing “it’s about a ton each girls, so we can’t do a deal” to which I stared him down and responded “it’s a tenner per person”. At least he had the decency to look embarrassed. Win.

By the end of the viewings he got it. He had realised that we weren’t taking his rubbish and had firmly lost interest in us. I think the point where he took us to Byker Grove and we refused to get out the car was the turning point, if i’m honest.

The hunt, it would seem, continues…….

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12 Responses to “Room With A View…. Of The Carpark”

  1. susielindau March 12, 2013 at 5:43 pm #

    House hunters! How fun! Good luck and remember to look under the sink. Kidding! That must be one of the more horrifying places to look, the most common place for trash and all.
    You were in San Diego??? If you come through Colorado, you have to let me know… 🙂
    When do we get to hear about the new romance or is it just a best friendy?

    • tinkerbelle86 March 12, 2013 at 6:40 pm #

      Hahaha Susie! No man, its my best friend 🙂 Sadly didnt make it to Colorado this trip, but its definitely on my list… I need to do a whistle stop US tour to you and Jules!! x

      • susielindau March 12, 2013 at 10:45 pm #

        Definitely! Just give me the heads up and we’ll have a blast!

  2. prenin March 12, 2013 at 6:05 pm #

    Hi Tinks! 🙂

    Sounds like a good idea sharing given how desperate the housing situation is! 🙂

    I live in a pokey one bedroom flat, the bedroom looking like mission control with the addition of the usual furniture, so when I win the Lottery I’m going to buy a house and become a domesticated bachelor! 🙂

    Trouble is that there are a lot of houses up for sale because people can’t manage the mortgage any more so I may end up being classed as a vulture, but for now my little flat is enough for me! 🙂

    Hope you keep warm hun, the weather IS a tad on the parky side! 😦

    Love and squishy hugs!

    Prenin.

  3. twindaddy March 12, 2013 at 11:18 pm #

    Where’ve you been???? Good luck finding a new place, Tink.

    • tinkerbelle86 March 18, 2013 at 12:33 pm #

      I’ve been squirreling nuts for the winter…. when I saw nuts, I mean Maltesers. Obviously 🙂

      • twindaddy March 18, 2013 at 12:45 pm #

        Uh huh. Suuuuuure….

  4. 1stpeaksteve March 14, 2013 at 5:07 am #

    The guys you speak of remind me of our sales staff. Good looking people but seemingly devoid of any manner of realism when they speak to you.

    Well, I am glad that the approaching spring brought you out of hibernation. Florida’s weather is extremely bi-polar. A week of shorts and then a week of huddling in your jacket with a lovely 30 knot wind whipping things around. But soon it will be summer and it will be a constant steam bath.

    Good luck in the search…an orphaned hedgehog is counting on you!

    • tinkerbelle86 March 18, 2013 at 12:34 pm #

      I know, I MUST FULFIL MY DUTY!!!

      • 1stpeaksteve March 18, 2013 at 3:23 pm #

        I am positive you will!

        Just out of curiosity…Why a hedgehog? I have owned frogs, turtles, ducks, rabbits, and a few other odds and ends but a hedgehog is a bit different. Especially knowing that two young women have both agreed to seek one out over say…a chinchilla.

        Anyway, conquer your destiny!

        • tinkerbelle86 March 18, 2013 at 3:30 pm #

          err, not sure. my friend is allergic to fur so that rules out a kitten, im too much of a princess to pick up poo and our new flat is a bit small for a french bulldog. i had a house rabbit before that pooed everywhere so its put me off and there is a girl whose blog I read who has a hedgehog and its quite possibly the cutest thing ive ever seen and you know me, i dont go squishy over much!!! ill send you the link when im at work, its not in my personal reader.

          • 1stpeaksteve March 18, 2013 at 3:54 pm #

            Makes perfect sense now. Thankfully they do not have Persian Hedgehogs!

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