In two weeks time I will turn eighteen, twenty one twenty six, and I’m hoping that I will wake up and gain some of the wisdom that I maybe should have gotten before now, like knowing that last bottle of wine really isn’t necessary before drinking it, or learning how to budget my money. Or knit.
But in the true spirit of celebrating being alive another year, and it all being about me, I thought I would pull together a birthday wish list, with plenty of time for you to all chip and see if we can start crossing some of the items off…. Deathly silence? OK, no worries then.
Its kinda a money can’t buy list anyway….
With evolution at the advanced stage that it is, the lack of hair over our entire bodies (in some of our cases) and the developed brain, I don’t understand why from March to October, my feet take moire work that octuplets on Red Bull. Forget using the pumice stone, my feet are as hard as the pumice stone, and have to be moisturised with industrial elephant skin moisturiser to ensure that I don’t rip my sheets when I slide in of a night, such is their cheese grater-esque presence. So I wish for dainty little baby feet that although soft and smooth, don’t get sores or blisters from heels or new shoes, don’t ache, and don’t swell like a pregnant lady on an aeroplane.
To have a small win on the lottery so I could pay off my debt, but Jules some champers, Sam a shed load of tequila and take a wee jaunt to California would be grand. I mean, who needs enough money to but an elephant and ride it to work anyway?
Don’t all you gym bunnies clamour at once, I don’t care what you say. The gym appeals to me about as much as licking a sumo’s armpit, and as my friends and family know, I can think of the most far fetched reasons to not attend any sort of exercise class. But yes, I know, its good for you. So if it could be as fun as eating ice cream and feel as strenuous as sleeping, I promise I would embrace it wholeheartedly.
Whether it’s the last day of your holiday or the time spent having a Harry Potter marathon, sometimes you look at the people around you and just wish you could stop the sands and just wait there, however briefly. So I think that you should be able to get a virtual hourglass every now and then, and just suspend it so the sand can’t move. You know what I mean.
Maybe a serious one, but if they can put a man on the moon surely they can find a cure for diabetes? I would just like my pancreas to produce its fancy fluid so that I can eat a chocolate orange and not feel like ive been hit by a bus for 24 hours. Please thankyou.
What would be your far fetched birthday wish?