Go On A Date? Rather Be A Cat Lady

2 Apr

I have this friend, lets call her Sam … because that’s her name. She has an awesomely funny sense of humour and often makes me laugh so much that tea comes out of my nose (not cool, Belle, not cool). I recently posted on her blog, and I asked her to come back and do the same. Kinda like a sleepover, but for words.

So if you are sitting comfortably, find out why Sam worries she might become a mother of 83 kittens….

Belle xxx

———————————————

I’m starting to think I’m going to end up alone, possibly like those old women with cats… except I’ve never really been a big cat fan – I’m more of a dog and horse girl – so the thought of ending up alone with cats has weighed heavily on my mind of late. Truth be told it probably has less to do with my not so affectionate attitude towards cats and more to do with all the acquaintances, friends and random misfits I’ve collected over the past few years getting engaged and announcing they’re with leech.Image

The majority of my school leaving class have plonked rings on their significant others, or accepted the shiny diamond from their male companion. There is also a large majority of people popping small humans out of their nether regions. In less than two months I’m going to be a quarter of a century old and I feel like maybe I missed the settle down and breed memo? Alternatively I should deactivate myself from Facebook. The only reason I happen to know that I’m falling behind in the race to divorce and misery at 40 is because the status updates and photo albums popping up on my timeline tell me so.

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In spite of all of this, I’ve decided over the last few months to open myself up more. I tend to blow off date offers and possible “get to know you” outing requests. This is not because I’m a “bar set to high” kind of girl but rather because I’m socially awkward most of the time. I have no interest in most common “topics” and if you get me started on what I do like you might open a door that leads down a passage into the depths of my mind. I assure you very few who have ventured down there have remained rather they tend to run out screaming, never to return.

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I digress. I’ve now started agreeing to coffee dates and they make me feel uncomfortable. Am I the only one completely lost with the concept of “meeting for coffee”? For starters, I don’t know you. I’ll feel uncomfortable and possibly you will too. We’ll blush a lot, laugh uncomfortably and will have to handle those awkward silences which are always followed by us both interrupting one another in a desperate attempt to clutch at a sentence which may ferry us away from that silent hell.

I’ll remain rather silent because I’m shy. You’ll tell me about your car, your job and possibly try to impress me. While you’re doing that I’ll likely note that you have a receding hairline which can only mean you’ll eventually go bald or that you are driving a car that doesn’t really fit into the income bracket you must clearly be earning. I attempt to calculate it from what you do, your qualifications, how long you’ve done it etc. That could possibly mean you’re in debt. Of course with the current global economic crisis that debt is going to wallop you on the back of your head pretty soon. You’ll possibly begin to struggle or have to sell the car. Hell, you may even lose your job? For people who like the pretty things (which you clearly do judging by that rather blingy wristwatch) that can be a bit of a blow, send you into a depression possibly, you might consider ending it all. That was a big thing during the Great Depression, people jumping out of buildings and moving to the great beyond. I don’t know if I could handle a depressive boyfriend, I’m terribly moody myself. Best I find out how moody you are.

“Have you ever thought about committing suicide?”

Him: “Sorry what?”

“Never mind.”

Insert a very long uncomfortable silence here.

Him: “I’ll get the bill then”.

My mind wanders. It’s a very strong muscle that can go off on a tangent far quicker than Hussein Bolt can sprint 100 metres. This can be problematic if you do not keep me engaged. I wait in hope for a man who, instead of bringing up the dreaded “let’s do coffee” line rather suggests something different: “Let’s go hang out at the planetarium” or “Hey Sam, air hockey tournament, you in?” Make me think, help me use my brain as opposed to let it wonder and I’ll likely love you forever… Or at least be a bit more comfortable in your presence and not ask you ridiculous questions. Surely there are more original dates than “coffee”?

Of course, my mates will tell you I am doomed to be alone because I am being deceitful agreeing to go to coffee in the first place.

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You see, I don’t drink coffee, never have. I hate the taste.

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16 Responses to “Go On A Date? Rather Be A Cat Lady”

  1. susielindau April 2, 2012 at 7:24 pm #

    25 is waaaaaay too young to get married. A quarter of a century is so dramatic. What’s the hurry? I didn’t get married until I was 29. . Besides it never happens if you are looking for it. In my opinion, It gets every guy you come in contact with, running scared….must be some kind of marriage pheromone thing…
    Look for someone to have fun with and see where it goes!
    BTW I saw the second half of Napoleon Dynamite this weekend. “Gosh!” Love that movie~ talk about awkward!

  2. Tori Nelson April 2, 2012 at 7:42 pm #

    Susie is probably right. That being said… I turn 25 on Thursday, I have a pretty cool 2-year-old love child, and I’m getting married to his dad in a couple weeks. The great part is that this domestic heap of a life just kind of happened. It was accidents and mistakes and somehow I really, really like my life. I don’t think the wed and breed thing is for everybody and it definitely doesn’t have a super specific time stamp on it. I think opening yourself up to people is a great start to getting to where ever you want to be in life.
    P.S. Last line? I can’t stop laughing. I dated a guy for MONTHS who only took me to sporting events. He was pretty shocked when I finally admitted that the only sport I tolerate is channel surfing 🙂

    • tinkerbelle86 April 3, 2012 at 12:01 pm #

      tori!!! how exciting, hope you have a lovely day 🙂

  3. Annie April 2, 2012 at 8:40 pm #

    Hey! I’ve tagged you for a game of Q&A! Check out my latest blog post for details if you want to play 🙂

  4. Travis Kruger April 3, 2012 at 9:41 am #

    I know 1st hand that your Air Hockey skills are terrible, haha.
    Loved it Sam, I think you and I can live next to each other sitting on
    the porch each day harrassing the kids in the neighbourhood with pranks.

  5. Sam April 3, 2012 at 1:44 pm #

    Too true Susie (on relationships and the humour in how awkward Napoleon is). I cringe watching that movie but it is so worth it for the dance at the end!

    Congrats on the wedding bliss Tori! Yay!

    Belle – word sleep overs for the win!

  6. Sonia April 3, 2012 at 1:48 pm #

    A literacy masterpiece of pure brilliance!!!
    I still live in a fantasy world that there is an idealistic ‘right now’ waiting for me. An undefined ‘situation’ that holds no fear or expectation… An insanely mad romance… fleeting and temporary. is that so much to ask for? Truth is i cant make up my mind, I’m indecisive. Today I might be crazy about Mr. Romeo, tomorrow I probably won’t… but alas, expectation and disappointment are indeed synonymous…!

    And this comment section totally doesn’t fix my spelling and grammer… Meh

  7. frenchtippedwanderlust April 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

    This was SO funny! Really enjoyed it, I totally understand how Sam feels! Thanks for sharing!

  8. gojulesgo April 4, 2012 at 2:24 pm #

    Haha! Great post, Sam! And there’s no shame in being the Dog Lady 😉 But something tells me you’ll find an awesome guy who will make you laugh and take you out for…champagne? (Am I projecting again?)

    • Sam April 16, 2012 at 8:06 am #

      Ooooh Champagne… bubbles… yes please!

  9. philosophermouseofthehedge April 10, 2012 at 10:36 pm #

    Hey, agree to what Susie says about 25 being too young to worry – and what she says about finding the right one will happen when you least expect it….just get out and do stuff you like to do. Travel, have fun, have a sense of humor – life will happen. (The last 2 lines are priceless!)

  10. Marvin the Martian April 19, 2012 at 3:58 am #

    Tea, then. I always felt that “dates” were way too stilted and artificial to be enjoyable. Let’s go run errands together, or move your furniture around, or focus on some task together, not each other. Only in that kind of natural setting can you really appreciate each other, by NOT focusing on each other.

  11. creativeboys April 24, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

    I love cats and yea i am in the same boat as you, i dont like coffee.

  12. bri K August 10, 2012 at 5:04 am #

    I am a male and I feel similarly.. from a male standpoint that is. I am almost 25 and watching my friends get married/move in together/have kids and it astonishes me, but at the same time I feel I have somewhat made peace with it. I could not comprehend any of the above right now. I also do not do really date because the times I have.. I just cannot seem to connect with women. I want to ponder the universe, they want to read me excerpts from that “Shades of Gray” book or whatever. Unfortunately men are conditioned to not think outside the box much with women (and vice versa clearly) because more often than naught it doesn’t work out and playing the odds results in more success. But never more happiness in the long run. That is why I am at peace with where I am, I would rather keep being odd. At least it’s true to myself. Anyway I definitely know where you are coming from, it is interesting to see it from a female perspective. Keep your head up no matter what!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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