Leaving…. On a Jet Plane

16 Mar

I hate saying goodbye.

When I left my previous job my manager called me aside and said thank you for the work I had done and we chatted for a bit before I went back to my desk. When it was time to leave I put on my bravest face and  half shouted “see ya!!” in the best and brightest voice I could put on. Before there was even a chance of seeing my face I was off up the hill to my car, with tears running down my cheeks. They say a change is as good as a holiday, but I hate the thought of life going by without people who you were close to, and how quickly a month and then a year can pass without you even realising.

So leaving California is hard for me. It works best when I can say goodbye in the morning before the kids go off to school and then having the chance to mope round the house by myself in a total funk before shedding a few tears at the airport as I get on my plane. This is the best disaster aversion plan. It’s not to be this year. this time, my thirteen year old ‘littlest sister’ is skipping horse riding so she can come to the airport and say goodbye. And this will be the hardest thing for me. She, like me, wears her heart on her sleeve and her emotions at the surface, and watching her crumble as we walk away will just ruin me. People on the flight will think that the rest of the world has been wiped out in some apocalyptic style reckoning, but there is nothing I can do when the tears start.

On the train at the beginning of the year I sobbed my heart out. I didn’t care that there was mascara all over my face and people were giving me strange looks on the tube. The gates had opened, and I was crying. On the train back to my Dads a businessman looked embarrassed and offered me a tissue, looking shocked when I snorted a thank you and blew my nose like Hurricane Katrina. The thing is, I don’t get sad often, but when the tears start I figure that I might as well embrace them.

California holds onto my heart pretty tightly. I love my life in England; adore my family and cherish my friends. I love the freedom that living in the city gives me, but there is always part of me that is counting down the days to get back to a different life. One where I have two obnoxious little brothers (one who insisted on dragging me around the house by my leg yesterday, and resulted in me getting jumped on my three enormous dogs and being totally unable to move) and a bonus little sister to the one I have already.

The clouds make it easier to say goodbye today though. I hope its warm in England… I need to keep my tan!

Where in the world do you feel at home?

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17 Responses to “Leaving…. On a Jet Plane”

  1. bdewayne March 16, 2012 at 6:40 pm #

    What a poignant and truly sweet post.Even an old curmudgeon as my self can shed a tear for such memories.And those memories will always make you smile.

  2. gojulesgo March 16, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

    So glad you had what sounds like another marvelous trip, and I hope you have (had?) a very safe flight back! England is lucky to have you!! And I think it’s awesome that you embrace the tears when they do come, even if it makes strangers on the train uncomfortable, LOL 🙂

    • tinkerbelle86 March 16, 2012 at 10:01 pm #

      not quite… just headed to the airport in the next half hour :s

  3. prenin March 16, 2012 at 7:17 pm #

    No worries Laura – you’ll be back soon enough and in the meantime you have us to come home to! 🙂

    I never felt at home anywhere until I got my flat – now I can’t imagine living anywhere else! 🙂

    Love and huge hugs sweety!

    Prenin.

  4. The Byronic Man March 16, 2012 at 7:57 pm #

    Keeping a tan in England… I guess it never hurts to dream…

    • tinkerbelle86 March 16, 2012 at 10:02 pm #

      Well, Victor Hugo said “Each man should frame life so that at some future hour fact and his dreaming meet.”

  5. susielindau March 16, 2012 at 8:28 pm #

    You can always get it out of a bottle….Looks like you had a great time. I am hoping to get out to CA this year too!

  6. journalpulp March 16, 2012 at 8:54 pm #

    I loathe goodbyes too, on the same level as you do.

    It won’t be the same here without you.

    Safe trip.

  7. Chris Sheridan March 16, 2012 at 11:05 pm #

    Your emotions here are very similar to how I felt after my first stay in CA, when it was time to leave. I’ve been back three times since, and I’m betting that you’ll be back again too.

  8. nelle March 17, 2012 at 3:41 am #

    Journey safely.

  9. drewpan March 17, 2012 at 5:56 am #

    Have a safe journey! At least you have places that you could really feel at home! I always feel kinda displaced… like I have places that I’m comfortable but not truly at home in.

  10. butterflyblot March 17, 2012 at 9:41 am #

    Brave ON girl. Change is good, keeps you young and hopefully tan! Leaving rots, but, again, brave on!

  11. Life in the Boomer Lane March 19, 2012 at 5:45 am #

    Ah, what a wonderful post. I’m guessing you are back home by now. I’m reading your post from London, where I am visiting my daughter and her family. Life will have many more adventures for you. Grab them all.

  12. Marvin the Martian March 20, 2012 at 2:57 am #

    How much better it is to leave someplace you like, than to be stuck someplace you hate! 😉

    Home is wherever I happen to be. Everywhere is home. Nowhere is home.

  13. Roshni March 20, 2012 at 5:16 am #

    I can really understand how you feel, leaving your littlest sister behind. She sounds exactly like my youngest sister, who adores me so much and wears her heart on her sleeve, like you said. Leaving her behind is what pains me most when I have to come back to college!

  14. Rayme Wells @ A Clean Surface March 21, 2012 at 6:57 pm #

    I also recently said goodbye to California, along with my friends, family, coworkers…the fact that it happened so quickly made it easier. I hate crying!

  15. creativeboys April 24, 2012 at 4:36 am #

    This is a great post for me to be able to catch up with! Thank You! I am sure you are already at your place called home now. Smile! 🙂

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