Warning: Unwanted Attention!

22 Jan

As you all know, my plan for 2012 is a bit of a resurrection. New job, new home, new area, new outlook on life, and I have been specifically dealing with certain aspects of my world with a new outlook. I went through a LOT at the end of 2011, a lot that I am unable to share here, but it has left me one massive ball of stress, anxiety and nerves, a lot of which I wasn’t aware was so apparent to other people. My body needs a good massageto push away the knots of tension (I’m all over that one!) and my mind is gradually returning to a whole less stress. I attribute that to a bit of a change in outlook, but also to the people I am choosing to surround myself with.

Oh hey Ryan, we haven't seen you in a while, welcome back!

My new years resolution was to do something different once a month; something that would maybe be unusual for my daily routine or push me out of my comfort zone. As is always true of January, I have been putting this one aside, trying to choose something and time has run away with me, but I have booked tickets for Friday night in Soho to go and see an up and coming comedian, and I can’t wait. I have only ever been to one comedy show, so this is my unusual thing for January. I’ll let you know how it goes.

But I need some advice. What do you do about unwanted attention? It’s a topic that I have overheard a lot recently; girls in the office getting advice about guys that they have met that they don’t really click with, people that they think are nice but don’t have a spark for and wanting to let them down gently. In the spirit of only surrounding myself with positivity, I don’t want to be mean for the sake of it, but I already have a Harry Potter and cheesecake partner in crime, and as much as being followed by a hareem of Jamie Redknapps, Ryan Reynoldses and Paul Nichollsies, one is enough.

Mine is a little different. You see, there’s this guy.

OOOhhhh! I bet you’re all thinking. Belle met a guy! Well, Belle did meet a guy, but this isn’t a conversation for today, because it’s not him im referring to. This is a whole lot different.

Paul, don't give me those puppy dog eyes, I'm waaaay too busy for a hareem right now. Back of the queue.

Unwanted Affection: Urban Dictionary Style. (It’s mean but I laughed so I included it!!)

The type of affection passed onto you from someone of the opposite sex who is either mentally insane, just plain weird, ugly or any combination of the three.
person 1 ” dude Lindsey was all over me today”
person 2 ” sounds like some unwanted affection….”
person 1 “uh yeah, she’s missing three teeth and talks to herself”

I haven’t even met this guy. He has my number as I do some work freelancing, and had given him it to pass on to someone who might need their site rewriting. All fairly above-board, otherwise I never would have given it, not wanting to give the wrong impression and all that. He seemed nice at first, dropping me the odd text to let me know of progress, asking if I had a lot planned for the weekend etc. Like I said, I have never met him, although he added me on the social media channels etc. Bit much, but some people do that these days and it doesn’t automatically make them nutty, does it?

Then it started getting a bit much. He would call me once a week on the guise of the client, and I soon wised up to it and let it go to voicemail, responding by email after I had listened.

The texts kept flooding in. I didn’t want to offend him as at the time I wasnt sure of what I was doing for work and needed his help, but when asked if I wanted to meet up I always replied I was busy and that if I was in the area near his office I would pop in.

Over the last few days I have had about 30 messages. If he asks me what I’m doing at the weekend I normally tell him I am seeing the boy as I thought that might give him the hint he needs without me actually having to be confrontational about the situation and

Jamie it's winter! Put a shirt on! Oh alright then, no worries.

lose the potential work. My friends have told me to change my number but it is used by so many contacts for work that I am reluctant to do so. I hate to be horrible to people but feel like he has become quite attached seeing as he has never even met me.


What do you think I should do? Have you ever had unwanted attention that you needed to sort out?


27 Responses to “Warning: Unwanted Attention!”

  1. mrsbongle January 22, 2012 at 5:34 pm #

    I’m sorry but he sounds like a creep! Forget about letting him down gently and kick him to the kerb!

  2. bdewayne January 22, 2012 at 5:50 pm #

    if you are afraid slamming the blockhead might cost you some work and he is to dense to take a hint the next time he wants to meet agree to meet him for coffee or tea. While he is away to the John slip a little dish detergent into his Cup. This should cause him stomach distress. Hopefully why you’re still there. Then if he ever thinks of you again it’ll be with embarrassment or visions of projectile vomiting. I know this is extreme and should only be used as a last resort. But really, it ought to work. But this is from a male perspective. Good luck!

  3. Mike January 22, 2012 at 6:19 pm #

    Too busy for a harem, ha! I’m sure anyone could spare the time! Be assertive, say you don’t appreciate all the calls / messages and that you’ll bust a cap in his ass if he continues.

    • tinkerbelle86 January 22, 2012 at 7:40 pm #

      Actually looking at Ryan Reynolds I may be able to spare the time for a hareem. Im good like that. 🙂

  4. prenin January 22, 2012 at 6:50 pm #

    All you can do is say ‘thanks , but no thanks’ and if he continues then be a bit firmer.

    I have lost track of the number of times when women have been washing their hair… 🙂

    Love and hugs!


  5. Dazzle Rebel January 22, 2012 at 6:50 pm #

    Sorry to be blunt but believe it or not I had similar problems but the other way around (I.e. with a girl) a few years ago and the best way is to be confrontational about it. I was getting drunken calls in the middle of the night from a girl I met once at a gig and only spoke to to be friendly. These calls came while I was at my girlfriends (now wife) so I just passed her the call and let her give said girl a verbal bashing. If theres a fella on the scene now I’d get him to send a stark and firm reply. “Back the f… Off”. Sometimes its the only way people learn.

    • Dazzle Rebel January 22, 2012 at 6:52 pm #

      Reason for the fella doing it is because unless the guy is a meathead they get the message a hell of a lot quicker.

  6. The Nate Gatsby January 22, 2012 at 7:28 pm #

    It might be awkward but sitting them down and just telling them directly what you are feeling is probably the best thing for both of you.

    • tinkerbelle86 January 22, 2012 at 7:41 pm #

      Ive never met the bloke! I think that might be a bit much. I might say I am a post op transsexual. I think that might have a better affect.

  7. alternative eating January 22, 2012 at 8:22 pm #

    If your stomach tells you “no”, then try with no thank, and I am sorry but you’re not my type, and then if your talking to shut ears, try a little bit harder….I had the same once. Guy turned out total creep. He was sooooooooooooo strange……He found out where I lived and everything and all of a sudden stood banging on my door. Ended up with me having to sit down with him, and tell him face to face, that Sorry, you are not a guy that I see my self with. And then avoiding messages from me for a while…he was a total weirdo…almost forgot all about him…..Good luck…

  8. susielindau January 22, 2012 at 9:44 pm #

    Yes I have and they always got the message when they could see I was annoyed. In your case, he will have to hear it…..Good luck!

  9. TTV January 23, 2012 at 12:25 am #

    If he reads your blog, you may have just gotten rid of him. If he doesn’t, tell him your ex just got out of prison, stole your phone and is hunting down every guy that has been emailing, texting, and calling!

  10. Sandi Ormsby January 23, 2012 at 3:59 am #

    you just need to tell him straight out your not interested. You don’t have to be brutal, there are ways to soften it BUT you must be quite clear. Right now, he might think you’re leading him on and what if he reads this blog? That would be hurtful?

    If after your blutness, he still proceeds to text you then it’s time to let him know you’ll seek a restraining order against him or change your number!

    Lake Forest, CA USA

  11. renxkyoko January 23, 2012 at 4:38 am #

    Whoa ! That’s a problem, isn’t it? If he’s just some random guy whom you met at a party…. then it’s no big deal. Ignore, ignore. It’s kind of creepy that he’s acting stalkerish when he hasn’t even met you. I really don’t know. Some guys are really dense and insensitive and who can’t take hints/ I’m sorry there’s really nothing you can do, It all depends on him . @_@ I guess the only thing you can do is act ” dense” and oblivious too.

  12. I'd Rather Be In Iceland January 23, 2012 at 6:19 am #

    Do you think he reads your blog? 🙂

  13. Team Oyeniyi January 23, 2012 at 9:00 am #

    My take on it? He is SO sure of his ability to have ANY woman he wants, he can’t BELIEVE you are playing hard to get and you are hurting his ego. He will keep persuing until he gets your attention.

    Sorry about the potential work, but this guy is more trouble than he is worth.

    30 texts in a few days is, in my view, legally stalking. Get rid of him. NOW!

  14. Juliette January 23, 2012 at 10:19 am #

    Just ignore him! He sounds like an idiot, anyway.

  15. Sam January 23, 2012 at 11:28 am #

    Despite the stalker creep fest going on… I am so with you on changing our lives come 2012! Woohoo.

    • tinkerbelle86 January 24, 2012 at 10:01 pm #

      First stop, you coming to London! Im so excited. xx

  16. kerrycooks January 23, 2012 at 11:56 am #

    Whoaaaaa…. bombarding you with so many messages when you’ve never met is WAY crazy. I would call him and say, listen, I’m professional and I’m a friendly person which you may have misconstrued, but I’m not interested so please stop contacting me unless its work related.

  17. Victoria-writes January 23, 2012 at 4:40 pm #

    Uh oh bunny boiler alert!! I hope he doesn’t read this by the way 🙂

  18. kathryningrid January 23, 2012 at 9:40 pm #

    Ms. kerrycooks said it very well, I think. What she wrote is even something you could acceptably send as a message (voice or text, however he’s “communicating” with you). But if the guy persists–and I worry that someone who’s sent that many messages in a short time will–make sure that *everyone* around you knows who he is and what he’s up to, and tell him you will report him to the police if he doesn’t desist. Then follow through. Stay safe! Much better to be with genuine friends or, hopefully, having a good laugh at the comedy show!

  19. Rach @ This Italian Family January 23, 2012 at 10:58 pm #

    Oh wow, that is a LOT of unwanted attention. Sad day. Sounds like an awkward situation. I haven’t had one of those in a long, long time (a point to the left hand usually ends any unwanted conversations, haha). I do agree with Kathryn (above) about being careful!

  20. gojulesgo January 23, 2012 at 11:30 pm #

    I love going to comedy shows – you’re going to have a blast! As for the unwanted attention, sometimes you do just have to be blunt. If that doesn’t work…how do retraining orders work in England??

    • gojulesgo January 24, 2012 at 1:56 am #

      *restraining (ha! Guess he could use some retraining, too!)

      • tinkerbelle86 January 24, 2012 at 10:00 pm #

        Thanks for all your comments guys. I think that my actions this week have put the message out clearly (although that IS what I have been doing thus far) but Vic, in response to your comment, I do hope it is read. Then there can be no confusion if there is any at all.

  21. twindaddy January 25, 2012 at 11:45 am #

    Sounds like you’re going to have to tell him to back off. Good luck with that.

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