As Carrie Would Say…

3 Jan

“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.” Carrie Bradshaw.

As an independent woo-mayn making her way through her twenties (YES, still twenties) one car crash at a time, I like to take some inspiration from unlikely sources. Sure, the Dalai Lama and Gandhi made some good points, but so have John Mayer (guitar God) and Carrie Bradshaw (totally fictional). I like to think that these two are the King and Queen of modern-day problemos, and for this reason I arm myself with their words in the stickiest of situations.

So today I am talking about the veritable minefield that is modern-day dating, and how at certain crossroads in your life you ever so slightly long to be your grandparents so you don’t have to worry about the are they/ aren’t they discomfort that people refer to as relationships.

I love to read posts by The Redneck Princess and Brooke and McKenzie about dating, nutters and loonies, and the ones that we sometimes happen upon that are actually worth the bother.

“After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breath and reboot.” Carrie Bradshaw.

My friends have a metric to measure my interest in a man. They ask me “How is your boyfriend?” If I reply through gritted teeth that the particular individual that they are referring to is not my boyfriend then they know that I’m not particularly bothered, or will most likely lose interest pretty soon. If I seem a little more happy when I utter these words then it is assumed I actually don’t mind spending time with that person.

This was however, disputed, when I carried on saying “He is NOT MY BOYFRIEND!” until the week before I moved in with ex-boyfriend, when I had to concede he actually might be. And we all know how that worked out.

In olden days, dating was an easy subject. There was no awkward questions of exclusivity of how soon is too soon to introduce to friends, as you were only ‘courting’ one individual, if they were courting anyone else they were seen as a veritable cad, and the key to your chastity belt was released from the safe on the day of your nuptials, as you were passed from one man to the other. Thank goodness that’s over! And in times before that, you were clubbed over the head with a stone age baseball bat and dragged off to sweep the cave and arrange the pebbles so that the neighbours were jealous.

I recently read about a recognised dating technique adopted by the women of New York city. I’m not entirely sure how true it is, but it was called the Hob Theory, and the mentality behind it was that girls would have four different guys on the go. They would ‘move them about’ so that if one was a bit full on they would move him to the ‘back burner’, cooling things off and giving them time for someone else. I don’t know about you, but i find it hard enough to juggle my time to fit one lucky lad in, let alone have the energy, effort or bother to find FOUR eligible bachelors and fling them about the days of the week like a juggler. But then again, those girls have to cope with a lot in the city that never sleeps.

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” Carrie Bradshaw.

So people. here’s to 2012 – another year of walking down the streets that are all leading in the same direction, to Mr or Mrs Right. As I tell one of my friends, they might not be round the next bend or even within the next few miles, but one day you’ll be in the same postcode. And maybe you already are! Mr Right might currently be watching the football in your flat or Mrs Right might have cooked you dinner; wherever you are in your life, don’t take it for granted. Happy New Year!

20 Responses to “As Carrie Would Say…”

  1. prenin January 3, 2012 at 11:11 pm #

    Hi Tinks! 🙂

    As somebody who failed dismally in his relationships, I can only suggest you take each day as it comes – if Mr. Right DOES show up then all well and good.

    If not?

    There’s always tomorrow…

    Love and squishy hugs kiddo!!! 🙂


  2. An Observant Mind January 3, 2012 at 11:32 pm #

    Love this! I’m with you, re: juggling the men, but honestly, I had a hard enough time finding ONE guy I wanted to marry, there were a LOT of weirdo’s out there, to find four I was interested in spending time with at one time? Nigh impossible! Our fictional Carrie is my go-to wise owl also, she may be the greatest fictional person ever created! Thankfully I found a man who will suffer through SATC movies and multiple reruns of the show with just a dramatic sigh, I got a good one!

  3. Richard Wiseman January 4, 2012 at 12:03 am #

    Yet another great read from your blog and taking me back many years to the tremulous times of dating and reminding me of all the times I wound up cursing the day I met certain women.
    I can look back and laugh now because I”ve been married for 13 years to my, best friend and soul mate.
    After many disasters on the relationship front, mostly selfish needy women for some reason, I gave up dating and pushed every woman who came near me away from me for about five years. I got tired of being unceremoniously shat on and honestly decided to live alone, it was less painful.
    It was only when I’d stopped looking and was busy being engrossed in and doing something else, namely secondary teaching, that my wife Lainy turned up, (She’s a teacher I hasten to add); it all happened so fast I wish I could watch it in slow motion just see if getting together looked as good as it felt.
    So if you don’t mind taking a bit of honest advice from a happily married oldster and at the risk of sounding like a patronising old man – The best way to to deal with it, in my opinion, is to stop looking and stop thinking about looking, in fact stop thinking about it altogether , get engrossed in the new job, forget all about romance and love and stuff. Then just when you’re enjoying being free of icky relationship stuff and feeling good about wittily spurning dangerous clingons with personality disorders with, what I suspect from your erudite language skills displayed by the blog, will be an enormously funny and utterly brilliant put down, someone will turn up with whom it feels natural to be in the company of. It’ll happen so naturally and smoothly that you’ll know the person you’ve met is going to be your best friend, lover and soul mate. Oh and in my opinion there’s no such thing as Mr or Mrs/ Miss/ Ms Right; The person you’re looking for can be summed up by this quote from Kathy in Wuthering Heights, (Not the best example of a stable lasting relationship, but she sums up true love very well); Kathy says ‘It’s not that I love Heathcliffe; it’s that I am Heathcliffe and he is me.’ If you think about it you’re not waiting for Mr Right; you’re waiting for Mr You. (Mind you I am male and as my wife Lainy has taught me blokes don’t half talk a lot of bollocks – So I could be wrong).

  4. 1smiles January 4, 2012 at 1:42 am #

    I’m in my 50’s amd making it through one car crash at a time… Keep up the great work!

  5. BougieHippie January 4, 2012 at 1:52 am #

    Dating is to be fun not a chore or job, Just have fun take the bliss with the blunders and see what happens.

  6. nelle January 4, 2012 at 3:02 am #

    In my experience, things tend to work when not searching, rather in the process of living life – it just sort of happens. However it works for someone, best wishes!

  7. Redneckprincess January 4, 2012 at 3:15 am #

    You are a wise wee thing, ya know that 🙂 Thank you for making me smile as always…it’s good to know that we are all in the same old leaky boat 🙂 xoxoxo Happy New Year to you my friend …

  8. nicole the exbulimic January 4, 2012 at 9:46 am #

    carrie bradshaw is my heroine!!!

    i turn 30 next month! x

  9. nicole the exbulimic January 4, 2012 at 9:48 am #

    wrote about my carrie bradshaw style crush here!!! the pics might make you happy. 🙂

  10. TBM January 4, 2012 at 11:55 am #

    For me, when I wasn’t looking and I was perfectly content being single, love found me.

  11. Granddad January 4, 2012 at 1:00 pm #

    Hi Honey,
    It’s long past time for you to find yourself a good bloke and settle down. The clock’s ticking!!
    Lots of love,
    Granddad XXX

  12. susartandfood January 4, 2012 at 3:12 pm #

    I always found the less I wanted to get married and settle down the more they did. Maybe it’s the hunter/gatherer factor. I kept running until they got caught I guess 🙂 Nice writing as always.

  13. Tori Nelson January 4, 2012 at 3:50 pm #

    I feel a little guilty for my relationship. The fact that it works and worked out is a total fluke. Seven months of dating + unexpected baby-ness+ sudden living together= total happiness? Even I think it sounds like a hot mess!

    • nicole the exbulimic January 4, 2012 at 4:10 pm #

      i am so intrigued! headed to your blog right this very moment! x

  14. cooper January 4, 2012 at 3:57 pm #

    4 at once? who in their right mind would want to do that? why not just hold auditions, which I guess is what dating is…here’s to a happy 2012.

  15. susielindau January 4, 2012 at 5:10 pm #

    Someone always comes into your life when you least expect it! Just remember to follow your heart and not your head. I wouldn’t be married for almost 25 years if I had! I was going through a break up when Danny stopped into town for a weekend. We were married 4 months later and I moved to Colorado!

  16. gojulesgo January 4, 2012 at 8:47 pm #

    If John and Carrie are King and Queen, I think you are the Princess! (And I think it’s true that frogs make the best princes… ;))

  17. Leanne T January 6, 2012 at 10:40 pm #

    Thanks for referencing quotes from my all time favorite show!

  18. Laura4NYC January 14, 2012 at 2:12 am #

    Dating in New York is highly overrated! 😉 It’s definitely not fun to juggle your free time between four potential candidates who also are not THE SLIGHTEST bit interested in what you have to offer personality-wise… Meaning it can be all about the sex.

    And you’ll be just fine, Tinkes!

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