Bad breath is one of the worst things in the world ever. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who you knows is important and you really should be listening, yet all you can think of is how bad their breath smells?
Halitosis is a massive fear of mine (seamlessly linking from yesterday’s post about the dentist!) and I think it stems from my sisters weird obsession with toothpaste, and the fact that I had braces as a teenager. There was nothing worse than the fear that you had food stuck between the train tracks, or the crushing realisation that you had been having a conversation with someone and there was a bit of your sandwich wedged in the gap. Horror.
I remember going for a garden centre Saturday morning brunch with my mum a few years ago. I chose soup (go me, avoiding all the fantastic looking cakes!) and opted for a chunky roll with poppy seeds. I ate the soup and went back to talk to the very good-looking man working on the counter. All good. Can you see where this is going? I got back into the car and adjusted the rear view mirror and noticed that between each and every tooth was a poppy-seed. “MUM!!” I exclaimed “Why didn’t you tell me???!!” she claimed she hadn’t noticed, while sniggering into her scarf. Good joke Mother. Revenge is a dish best served cold!
My sister is the most mental toothpaste addict I know. Granted, you don’t get much bang for your buck this one; they are reclusive and not open about their addiction. My sister, when asked what she wants for Christmas is often known to ask for a new toothpaste that she has seen on the TV. She is nothing if not a sucker for advertising, and loves the thought of the bubbles freshening her breath of making her teeth sparkle. That said, she has the whitest, straightest teeth I have ever seen (although claims to have tried to force a gap between her front teeth as a child so she could have braces like me, God love her) and has never had a filling or any dental work. She hasn’t even been asked to see the hygienist as a kid, and that’s practically unheard of.
I put it down to her interesting mouth grooming routine. She selects a song on her iPod, sets it to play and then brushes her teeth till it has finished. And believe me, that seems like an awful long time. For about four months we regularly heard McFly in the morning and evening as she merrily brushes away.
But I always have the fear that my breath smells. Can I just reassure you that it really doesn’t, but that doesn’t stop the fear from creeping up. Bad taste in mouth? Breath must smell like I’ve been dining on compost.
Do you have an irrational body fear?
Tinkerbelle 
I think you’re only supposed to brush your teeth to the length of singing “Happy Birthday” in your head. Or maybe that was washing your hands. Anyway, she’s just gonna have mouth full of nerve bundles and roots! Tell her to stop brushing so long!
hahaha. my irrational fears are all a little too gross for the comments section. but except for the cute-new-boy situation, i usually embrace the food-in-my-teeth fiasco and make fun of myself to save the embarrassment.
bad breath is no joke, though. a coworker’s breath is so bad we cannot hold conversations with her! we usually combat it with oniony sandwiches at lunch, to see if we can get her to bring it up herself. :p
I have the same fear, except the other day my fear was realised when I was told I had garlic breath. Face goes red, eyes widen, hands over mouth and straight to the shop for extra strong mints. Nope that didn’t help much, scrub with toothpaste, gargle some mouthwash and pop in a chewing gum. Did that work? Did it hell.
It seems that whole bulb of garlic I’d consumed the previous night was not only providing me with a useful vampire repellent but was keeping other humans at bay too. I was seeping from every part of my body, even my hair stunk of it! Moral of the story; only eat small amounts of garlic.
I eat a lot of garlic but so does my housemate so neither of us notice!
Have you ever tried eating ‘just’ garlic? Seriously, give it a go. Stick a whole bulb of garlic in the oven on about 180c for about 50-60 mins and it’s ready to eat as a nice appetiser. Take off the outer bits but eat the cloves whole. Yum. Be warned though, trying this is what caused my TWO DAY stint of not just having garlic breath but absolutely reeking of it. A detox with plenty of sweet fruit and a shower with petrol and steel wool later and the smell has almost gone.
hahah!! come to mention it I think I have some steel wool in the garage….
Hey Tinkerbelle! You sound good fun! and thanks for liking my blog today. As I’m very new to blogging, how did you find it? I know I have ‘tags’ but I’m always intrigued when it’s not just my Facebook or Twitter friends responding! I would be interested to hear back. Hope you don’t mind me asking. I have loved reading your blog about the dentist and bad breath…. Brilliant stuff!
Dear Dazzle, If you put a slice of garlic in your sock, under you foot, it will be smelt on your breath within the hour! amazing stuff! Thank you tinkerbelle! c
My friend did this last night to ward off a cold.
Surely you’re having me on?
I am always convinced I have something stuck between my teeth. And the tragic thing is, I usually do.
I carry a box of mints with me at all times. At ALL TIMES. And I have learned that consuming oreos and purple koolaid in the same snack produces breath that will make others wonder if I have been consuming poop. (I have not, for the record.)
hahaha, this is the second post I’ve come across today talking about bad breath.
When dating this could be the difference between happily ever after and smelly and alone.
Apparently a lot of people share the same fear. For me, this bodily fear is right up there with gas and stray boggers on the face. THESE FEARS ARE NOT IRRATIONAL…they are oh so real
Grossly relatable post, Tinker! 😀
I hate that feeling of food in my teeth…and bad breath? eeeeuuuuww!
I’m almost off smoking now, but when I did a pack a day, I took two mints for every cigarette and brushed my teeth intensely three times a day. I still make the dentist’s day whenever I have to be checked. Even my wisdom teeth grow naturally into their designated space. I do fear my breath smells a lot, but now that I smoke only once or twice a day, I just brush my teeth afterwards.
your mom is funny! haha
Oh wow, your sister sounds a bit like me… I’m all about lots of scrubbing of the teeth! Though I totally used to pretend like I had braces when I was a kid by putting colored rubber bands on my teeth. My older sister had braces and I thought she was just so cool… ah yeah, good ol’ days. 😉
Every time I go to the shop I clean my teeth and use antiperspirant like I’m off for a hot date! 🙂
No complaints so far though… 🙂
Love and hugs!
Prenin.
This post made me laugh so hard about bad breath.
Just the other day I was saying how disgusting it is when I’m in an elevator or in a busy subway (train) and people standing close to me have the worst breath ever.
I was taking the train home during rush hour and all I could smell was awful breath everywhere, wherever I turned my head I couldn’t escape it. I could smell it from people breathing down my neck and from people having conversations.
Really made me wonder, how does one not smell their awful breath??
Also about your sister brushing your teeth for so long, that’s funny. I heard from someone they thinned their enamel from over brushing their teeth!
brookeandmckenzie.wordpress.com
so true..it’s the worst thing..bad breath can de-rail the best company.
Maybe a good thing to brush your teeth is to when you front of your personal dentist. Maybe it works…
I used to ride to school every day in a car with closed windows (cold outside) and a mother and daughter both with terrible breath. I’d crack the window and try to ease my nose up towards it.
oh lord!
I perpetually feel like I have bad breath and/or something stuck in my teeth. And every day when my husbad gets home from work I ask him what he had for lunch because his breath is stinky. I feel ya!!
http://kvetchmom.wordpress.com
I used to work for someone with terrible breath. Dreaded every meeting and would make sure I was not sitting directly opposite them……the stench of a thousand deaths!
Oh man, Tinkerbelle! We are two peas, one pod. I actually wrote a post about halitosis back in April, because it is also one of my greatest fears!!! LOL
http://goguiltypleasures.com/2011/04/14/this-post-stinks/
I don’t like for people to look at, touch, or talk about my armpits. There it is, my irrational fear.
I have a paralyzing fear of people who fear whooping cranes. I know that doesn’t count as a “body fear,” but whooping cranes have bodies (as do I), so I feel like it relates.
one good say to beat bad breath is to floss. that’s what worked for me. tartar stuck in my teeth was creating the gross smell. here’s an experiment for you – floss. then, smell the floss. if it’s gross, good. that’s your source. next part, floss for several days in a row, and smell the floss each time. i bet you’ll notice the smell decreases. give it a shot.
I think having braces can install this particular fear! I am not teenager but I have braces now, because of a long story of TMJ!
I used to have a schoolmate who had the most awful bad breath, you can imagine how fast I gave him my homework so he could copy answers when he asked!
Man I think you are right calling braces tracks!
Cute blog 🙂
Great post. You would think your sister would change up the tunes from brush session to session 😉 I have caught myself humming while gargling, anything to pass the time I guess !!
Ginger works magic. I brush regularly, floss and use a tongue scraper but bad breath can come from your stomach too. Not just your teeth, tongue or gums.I am also paranoid about having bad breath and nobody telling me or worst yet, telling me. I carry a little piece of ginger in a sealed snack bag and every so often just pull off a tiny piece and chew on it. Voila!
Your post reminded me of a maths teacher I had in Year 10. She was an outstanding mathematician. She loved maths and wanted all her students to love maths. But…
She was a Vietnamese refugee. She’d had an appalling time and lived on an terrible diet until she managed to escape Vietnam. As a result, her teeth were in a truly sorry state. She also ate a lot of pickled fish. The combination was nigh-on lethal.
None of us, in any of her classes, was game to ask her for help because, if we did, she’d come over, lean in close and spend a long, long time making the effort to explain the maths clearly. She was a lovely lady who loved her subject and her students but her breath was so bad it made her one of the worst teachers I came across. And I went to nine schools so I did come across a few bad ones.