20 Nov

Emma and I were musing the other day at how we are getting to an age where all our friends are getting married off. It was sparked by a comment on a friends Facebook status (who is married off) about her baby, and another girl from school (who is also married off) had commented. At first I didn’t know who it was. I mumbled the name a few times to familiarise my brain with it while Emma looked on with confusion, as if she has caught me sleep talking, until I finally proclaimed “Jenny Jones got married!!” (This is not her actual name, in case you know a Jenny Jones and I create an accidental rumour).  Emma was surprised and went off into some rant about how everyone we knew was pregnant, married, engaged or all a variety of the above. We are, I might add, both single. We merrily co habit in our lovely little flat, cooking soup, feeding stray that come by and planning what we are going to watch on the TV. I might even take up knitting. We are bringing old lady back into fashion!

And it made me think about brides, bridesmaids, mother of the brides, bridezillas and general crazy people. I know it must be dreadfully exciting to have all that organising to do; lists to make, food to taste, dresses to try…. But something about having a ring on your finger seems to make women go, well, insane.

A few people I know are in the process of getting married, and I have to say that an early observation is that it makes at least one member of the bridal party completely mental. Let’s call it wedding fever, and if you haven’t seen the film Bridesmaids then I would. Its brilliant and I can assure you that the majority of it is completely true.

One bride to be that I am friends with is very sane, yet commented to me about the mental-ness of her loved ones. One bridesmaid tried on her dress, threw a strop about the fatness of her arms and went home, refusing to do any more. Another’s mother has taken it on herself to feel like she is in control of the entire wedding and when the bride to be commented about not wanting wedding favours (who ACTUALLY EATS sugared almonds anyway?) she was told “oh but love you have to, its tradition!”.

Emma’s sister is getting married in the summer, and recently Emma joined her at a wedding fayre up in London, packed full of dresses and shoes and flowers and all the other things that brides waste an enormous amount of their dad’s money on for one day. I got a text message at about eleven simply saying:

“This is hell. It’s like being a battery chicken. They are ALL. MENTAL” the next one requested that when one of us got married we forgo the wedding fayre, choosing to go to a pub and sit in a beer garden drinking cider. Sounds right up my street really. Another friend of mine attended the same show so I thought I would ask her about it from a bridal point of view. Her response was pretty similar. She said it was ridiculously hot and at one point a woman came up to her asking if she was going to buy the dress she had in her hand, adopting a rabid look and taking it from her when the answer was no.

The truth is, all us girls love a good bridal programme. If you read Vix’s latest post on Don’t Tell the Bride, you will know that it’s a bit of a craze here in the UK. Throw in a bit of Four Weddings (a soul destroying yet addictive show where brides score other brides weddings to win a honeymoon) and a recent one I found on one of our new channels (after balancing the aerial on the clothes horse to get signal for the TV, we eventually got a boy round who fiddled with it and we now have eight channels. Result!) called Bridezilla, we are saturated with it. My last find was so mental that for a good deal of time I perched on the end of the sofa repeating “I just don’t know what they are saying!” they were deep American and really het up about something, but all I could make out was restraining order, body con dress, and “Aooohw noe she did-dunt!”

It seems there is only one cure for this, menfolk. If you are going to propose, make sure that there is very little time between this and the actual wedding date, so that your fiancées mad fever cannot take over. Or alternatively, take yourself down the pub and wait till it is over.



12 Responses to “Bridezilla”

  1. philosophermouseofthehedge November 20, 2011 at 10:36 am #

    Even better, just get married at the pub? Bridezilla-type weddings:too much drama, too much money, two little brains.

  2. Richard WisemanR November 20, 2011 at 2:18 pm #

    My wife and I celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary this year. I had proposed to my wife on new year’s eve 1997, however by April of 1998 she was one month pregnant. We did the old fashioned thing of getting married by way of committing to each other and our child. To me it was important to let her know that I loved her and would promise to spend the rest of my life with her. My wife, Lainy, was 8 months pregnant when we got married at a registry office, with her mum and dad there and two witnesses. My wife’s family are Catholics so I converted to Catholicism from Church of England, if that’s possible or has a point, and we had a convalidation of our marriage in church with two witnesses and Lainy was pregnant with our daughter when we did that! Now we didn’t get presents, there was no song and dance and no madness or fever, as you put it. My wife’s sister had a fairy tale wedding to an Austrian man, in snowy Austria, with all the pomp and glory. My wife’s other sister had a wedding of average size and all the usual trimmings. The Austrian bride’s marriage sadly ended in 1998 and the other sister is still married, though they don’t seem to want to spend high days, holidays and days off in each other’s company; tending to get family around or go round to family rather than be together alone.
    The thing is our understated marriage has weathered all sorts of storms and we’re together in the way marriage is intended to be. The wedding doesn’t matter as far my wife and I are concerned; it’s that we committed to be together because we are lovers, soul mates and best friends, along with wanting to bind our little family together with promises to each other.
    It’s what’s in your heart and soul that counts for me and I think that couples who love each other deeply usually gang up on everyone else and tell people what they want to do, regardless of fashion, tradition and trends.
    I agree with you that ‘wedding fever’ is too much pressure and I think that the ‘ big wedding’ bubble will burst soon and companies cashing in on the desire for a status wedding will gradually go bust; especially as the recession is turning us all back to having the good values our grand parents had and moving us away from materialism.
    So let’s cheer for the lovers who know they have found their soul mate and let’s say ‘booh’ to the idea that a ten storey cake, meringue style dress and matching luggage make a good wedding. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d judge the success of a wedding on the passion shown following the permission to kiss each other.

  3. prenin November 20, 2011 at 4:19 pm #

    And people wonder why I’m single!!! LoL!!!

    Given the number of people I know who just live together I’m beginning to wonder if marriage as we know it will become a forgotten tradition! 🙂

    Love and hugs!


  4. Kelly Thompson November 20, 2011 at 5:43 pm #

    Another great post – really enjoy your blog, Tinkerbelle, hope you never grow up! BTW, I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. Get the scoop here:

    Looking forward to your further adventures! kt

  5. nelle November 20, 2011 at 6:06 pm #

    Har, this post made me laugh. People get crazy goofy about weddings, including me by the way, since I’ve spent a lot of time advocating for the right of lgbt folk to join the madness.

    It seems many play this for angles and the spectacular, something to draw attention and acclaim. The underlying reason, love of another and a commitment made seems too mundane, so go for the splash.

    There was an episode of the American television programme Coach, where bride to be and in wedding gown Shelley Fabares ends up dangling from a chandelier over the multi-tiered wedding cake. Losing her purchase, she flattens the cake with her derrière. Now that would be me.

  6. mrsmermaid November 20, 2011 at 8:53 pm #

    Oh I LOVE Four Weddings! Whoever thought of that show should be given a gold medal. It’s brilliantly hilarious.

    But anyhow. I disagree that every single bride goes mental – this time last year I was in trouble with my mother for being NOT Bridezilla-ish enough about my wedding!

  7. barkinginthedark November 20, 2011 at 10:14 pm #

    the couples i know with the longest, happiest marriages got married at city hall. no fuss, no muss, no bother, and put the money into the marriage. continue…

  8. jannatwrites November 21, 2011 at 6:18 am #

    I laughed at your statement that someone goes mental. I wasn’t Bridezilla, but my Maid of Honor kidnapped me before my wedding and tried desperately to talk me out of getting married. I did it anyway and we only spoke once after the wedding (nearly 15 years ago.)

    One word for anyone planning to get married: elope!

  9. susielindau November 21, 2011 at 3:42 pm #

    Great advice! Hahaha!

  10. lovelylici1986 November 21, 2011 at 8:20 pm #

    1. Jenny Jones was a talk show host a few years ago. She did a lot of that, “My child is 4 yrs old and weight 180lbs” stuff.
    2. Your advice is great.
    3. There are A LOT of those hilarious bridal/wedding shows. I’ve seen Bridezilla before. Those women are TERRIBLE. There’s another one – the name of it escapes me – where brides/grooms find themselves in need of help desperately, so they call this “fairy godmother” person who will grant them three (and only three) wishes. It’s pretty funny.

  11. Barb November 22, 2011 at 10:03 am #

    Funny post. I’m with you. I don’t understand how someone can spend so much money that could be used as a downpayment for a house, or washer/dryer, car or something they really needed.

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