The One Where We Went To Aqua Aerobics

28 Oct

At certain times in my life I agree to go to the gym with Emma. She is one of these people who seem to actively enjoy exercise, and therefore must be bred directly from Satan himself. Emma loves the gym. And as I love Emma, I feel I too should love the gym. It goes in fits and starts, but on one occasion she persuaded me to go to aqua aerobics at the local sports park with her. She did originally suggest circuits, but the thought of that made me need a sit down so we agreed on a middle ground.

To give you some background, her old gym is not at all like the Average Joe’s affair that we now go to. Our gym is lovely; full of chatty people, old and young, fat and thin. It doesn’t matter how sweaty you look or wobbly you feel, there will be someone sweatier and wobblier. And I like the anonymity of the whole affair.

Her old gym on the other hand is where the rugby teams train and where the Olympics teams will practice. It’s swanky. And it’s full of Skinny Sarahs and Hunky Harrys all limbering up to flex their muscles that are bigger than my waist. You know the type. The girls nearly always have a long mane-esque pony tail and both sexes are browner than physically natural for the UK at any time of year.

Anyway. Aqua aerobics. We changed and hotfooted to the pool, which is Olympic size. Aaaah. No quietly aerobic-ing it in there then. The instructor barked at us to get in the water, in an SAS style rant and my internal voice started nagging. I don’t think this is going to be for you Belle. Leave quietly. Hell no, I paid! OK well continue, but she looks meeeeean.

We were given these strange floats that looked like giant straight twiglets made out of foam, and instructed to do various things with them. This was where we lost our marbles. There were about twenty other ladies in the class, all looking fantastically poised, so we didn’t think it would be that hard. Firstly, you had to use the twiglet device as a skipping rope and skip in the water. Have a laugh! The resistance was so much that Emma lost grip on hers and it came flying over and hit me in the face. Cue giggles and a dirty look from Army Anne, the instructor. Then we had to pretend to surf on a float, pushing it down in the water and standing on it. I fell off, nearly drowning and we nearly lost Emma to the same watery death, so much was her laughing. Cue actual death stares from AA, and a faint giggle from one of the girls in the class that didn’t look like she had roamed the earth with early dinosaur. I mean really, it was quite hard and amusing, and although Army Anne was doing it fine, I do have to point out that she was safely on land and only doing a few to demonstrate with one hand, while eating a doughnut with the other (well, she WAS only doing a few, the rest might be exaggerated…).

The last task was to swim fifty metres from one end of the pool to the other with the float wrapped round us in a weird way, like an under-boob floatation device. But you had to swim backwards. We thought we were doing really well until we realised how far behind the rest of the gang we were, and some were actually lapping us!

When we got out of the pool we were asked if we would return the following week. “Don’t think so” Emma responded “It was funny, but I don’t think any muscles got exercised other than my ones affected by laughter”. She had a point. Although our lungs did get a good wash out from all that pool water, I could have saved my six pounds and asked Emma to repeatedly hit me in the face with a float and dunk me for half an hour and had the same results.

The terrible two have tried gym classes before so if you liked this post you should probably read the ones below; we are nothing if not entertaining!
Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting
I Can Haz Inner Peace
Beach Body Here I Come!

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9 Responses to “The One Where We Went To Aqua Aerobics”

  1. jules October 28, 2011 at 8:15 am #

    ha! I only did aqua aerobics once, never again!!!

    Jules

  2. plantainperiodicals October 28, 2011 at 9:01 am #

    looooool! Well said! It reminds me of the legs,bums and tums class i took with my sis. We laughed the whole time ( laughing exercised our stomach i supposes).

    • tinkerbelle86 October 30, 2011 at 2:26 pm #

      I’ve tried that one and been horrified that Im out of breath and all the OAPs are still only working a light sweat!

  3. prenin October 28, 2011 at 9:29 am #

    OK I’m STILL chuckling, but it does indeed sound like a waste of £6 apart from the the chuckles!!! LoL!!!

    Love and chubby hugs!

    Prenin.

  4. Claudia Johnson October 28, 2011 at 9:34 am #

    Nice picture, Tinkerbelle!

  5. derekberry October 28, 2011 at 12:27 pm #

    Hilarious from opening sentence. “Bred from Satan.” haha.
    When I think of water aerobics, though, I think of old arthritis-ridden women at the Family Y where my brother works slowly swimming laps and doing in-water stretches.

    • tinkerbelle86 October 30, 2011 at 2:30 pm #

      yep, pretty much hit the nail on the head with that one!

  6. mistymaplesfarm October 28, 2011 at 1:07 pm #

    Funny!!
    Sounds like my sisters and I when we try yo do anything group related…

    jess

  7. BongoDogOwner October 28, 2011 at 7:00 pm #

    Laughter can be one of the best exercises, so it sounds like you did quite well.

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