I read a post a few days ago over at I Drew My Life and it really made me chuckle as it reminded me of my parents. You may have read the story of my father’s most hated animal, the squirrel, but my mum also has a bit of an aversion to the cat from next door. She squirts it with water to make it leave. It ignores her and carries on defecating in her garden. She hasn’t been deterred however, and now has a catapult and some small stones that she keeps in a handy grabbing place, so that if she sees her arch nemesis, Nemesis Cat, from her vantage point at the kitchen window, she can hot foot it in a James Bond way and grab the catapult as she goes. A little much I feel, but I am a massive cat lady. When I had black one and white one (now sadly lost to ex-boyfriend in vicious word battle) she looked at them suspiciously, as they were the kin of Nemesis Cat from her garden. The neighbours feel the same way about my Dad’s cat.
So the question idrewmylife asked was what is your most hated animal?
I have two.
I’m really sorry to all of you who like horses (particularly Sam) but I just don’t like them. I am quite possibly the only person in the world who doesn’t find them majestic and gorgeous; I think they are the devils pet, put on this earth to make me a little uneasy when in the countryside. Yes, they have nice eyelashes, but the look at you funny and it gives me the heebie jeebies. Despite this, and because I felt like I was being a little silly (very silly) I went on one. It lasted about two minutes before I accepted the fact that it wanted me dead and disembarked, never to ride a horse again.
A friend of mine used to live in a converted barn that had horses, and he would wake some mornings to find a horse poo in the centre of his doormat. This was a direct message “get out of my zone, dude” and only further reinforced my belief that a group of horses are a bit like the mafia. It did make me lighter on my feet and more able to avoid stepping in things.
I think my fear of horses comes a bit from a camping trip in the New Forest where horses and cows roam free, and in the night I got up to go to the loo block and walked straight into the side of one. It’s funny because it’s true, but It carries on, well over a decade later.
Recently I was driving to my mum’s house which is a built up area. You drive past this small piece of green on the left that is fenced in, never with anything going on there, just a fenced in piece of grass. I’d had a really stressful day, and as I glanced up to my left, I saw a horse. It was like something out of Omen. In a split second I had passed the area, but in that time had managed to convince myself I was seeing horses and needed a lie down. Thank God my sister was there to inform me that some gypsies had cut the fence and were using said area to keep their pony.
However, stick a horn on its head and it becomes a Unicorn. I love the idea of Unicorns. No one said it had to make sense!
They just look evil. They look like they are just passing the time of day, but actually when your back is turned they plan to stage a coup and peck your eyes out. They just have this “I may look dumb, but its all a front” thing going on.
How about you?