Animal Arch Nemesis

27 Oct

I read a post a few days ago over at I Drew My Life and it really made me chuckle as it reminded me of my parents. You may have read the story of my father’s most hated animal, the squirrel, but my mum also has a bit of an aversion to the cat from next door. She squirts it with water to make it leave. It ignores her and carries on defecating in her garden. She hasn’t been deterred however, and now has a catapult and some small stones that she keeps in a handy grabbing place, so that if she sees her arch nemesis, Nemesis Cat, from her vantage point at the kitchen window, she can hot foot it in a James Bond way and grab the catapult as she goes. A little much I feel, but I am a massive cat lady. When I had black one and white one (now sadly lost to ex-boyfriend in vicious word battle) she looked at them suspiciously, as they were the kin of Nemesis Cat from her garden. The neighbours feel the same way about my Dad’s cat.

So the question idrewmylife asked was what is your most hated animal?

I have two.

The Horse

I’m really sorry to all of you who like horses (particularly Sam) but I just don’t like them. I am quite possibly the only person in the world who doesn’t find them majestic and gorgeous; I think they are the devils pet, put on this earth to make me a little uneasy when in the countryside. Yes, they have nice eyelashes, but the look at you funny and it gives me the heebie jeebies. Despite this, and because I felt like I was being a little silly (very silly) I went on one. It lasted about two minutes before I accepted the fact that it wanted me dead and disembarked, never to ride a horse again.

A friend of mine used to live in a converted barn that had horses, and he would wake some mornings to find a horse poo in the centre of his doormat. This was a direct message “get out of my zone, dude” and only further reinforced my belief that a group of horses are a bit like the mafia. It did make me lighter on my feet and more able to avoid stepping in things.

I think my fear of horses comes a bit from a camping trip in the New Forest where horses and cows roam free, and in the night I got up to go to the loo block and walked straight into the side of one. It’s funny because it’s true, but It carries on, well over a decade later.

Recently I was driving to my mum’s house which is a built up area. You drive past this small piece of green on the left that is fenced in, never with anything going on there, just a fenced in piece of grass. I’d had a really stressful day, and as I glanced up to my left, I saw a horse. It was like something out of Omen. In a split second I had passed the area, but in that time had managed to convince myself I was seeing horses and needed a lie down. Thank God my sister was there to inform me that some gypsies had cut the fence and were using said area to keep their pony.

However, stick a horn on its head and it becomes a Unicorn. I love the idea of Unicorns. No one said it had to make sense!

Ostrich/Emu.

They just look evil. They look like they are just passing the time of day, but actually when your back is turned they plan to stage a coup and peck your eyes out. They just have this “I may look dumb, but its all a front” thing going on.

How about you?

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35 Responses to “Animal Arch Nemesis”

  1. lou October 27, 2011 at 7:41 am #

    Mine is Peacocks! Just the name makes me shudder! A long time ago when I was Lilly-pad’s age we went on a family trip to a bird world type place while on holiday, I was quite happily looking at the peacocks when Mum, Dad my Grandma and Grandad said come on let’s lot at something else. I insisted that I want to see the Peacock put his pretty feathers up and they walked round the corned, (they could still see me I could not see them) Then as if to prove a point that he shouldn’t be in his cage and wasn’t there just for my benefit, said Peacock walked up to the wires stood face to face with my 3 year old frame, flicked up his tail to show all its colours in great glory and then promptly screamed at the top of his little lungs! I proceeded to do the same and ran off to find my caring family who were laughing, and now won’t go anywhere near the stupid evil birds 😦

  2. Julia (AKA Jules) October 27, 2011 at 8:33 am #

    I hate peacocks too, we used to have one at work. Made a load of noise putting me off my work. Urgh!

    I also hate emus (that emu puppet scared me!!)

    But really, I don’t hate animals…. they’re human beings just like us.

    Jules
    http://andsuddenlyisee.wordpress.com
    http://wordshakermag.wordpress.com

  3. magsx2 October 27, 2011 at 9:03 am #

    Hi,
    I’m an animal lover so I love most animals. But I have this thing about possums. One got in our roof once a few years back, and it didn’t matter what we did, we couldn’t get rid of it, we even called in the possum guy with no luck, after 7 months it was finally gone, but I have hated them ever since. They can easily breed and eat through the house wiring, so not something you really want in the roof.

  4. joehoover October 27, 2011 at 9:20 am #

    Yes, horses in the New Forest, been there myself where they just do as they please even in the towns just strolling through peoples gardens and up to their houses. Horses are peeping toms.

    Growing up by the seaside it has to be seagulls, I think it’s the case with any bird they’ll have your eyes given the opportunity, and one did so recently, a man was saving their egg and the seagull thanked him by removing his eyeballs, but also something about the brazeness as they grab food from your hands too.

    Whenever they come into London and I’m outisde calmy having a coffee in my garden, they send me sucrrying indoors when I hear their call.

    Oh, and main one is moths – I hate moths!

    • tinkerbelle86 October 28, 2011 at 7:15 pm #

      i dont like seagulls either, since a seagull the size of a pig nicked my chips in Cornwall!

  5. prenin October 27, 2011 at 10:16 am #

    I hate large spiders and seagulls!!!

    Spiders because they make my skin crawl – not our English ones, they don’t bother me – and seagulls because they attack you if they see you eating and the mess they make crapping on everything!!!

    Ever watched Hitchcock’s The Birds????

    ‘Nuff said…

    Love and hugs!

    Prenin.

  6. rumpydog October 27, 2011 at 10:26 am #

    Me, I dislike humans. They’re always killing all other creatures- they even kill each other! They steal our lands, abuse us, and act like they Rule the World.

  7. Tosha October 27, 2011 at 10:45 am #

    I’m going to have to go with the cockroach. These seriously creep me out. And I think they’re really behind the invention of atomic weapons. They’re planning a hostile take-over. Why am I the only one who can see this? It’s a tough burden to bear.

    On a happier note- I love sea otters! Those things are adorable. And from the weasel family-which is just fun to say. Before we’re all decimated by the cockroach attack- look up a video of sea otters on you tube. Your smile will thank you.

    http://Www.bottledtime.wordpress.com

  8. Bob October 27, 2011 at 11:17 am #

    I too dislike squirells. I used to like them. One day i was feeding One on our patio, it ran in the door and ran around my living room for 20 min. Yeah. Don’t like them now. I also don’t like platypuses? Platypie? They just wig me out.

  9. Urethra Franklin October 27, 2011 at 11:29 am #

    Had you asked yesterday I might have said cats. It’s not that I hate them, I just don’t understand why anyone would want a pet that coughs up unimaginable horrors right where someone is sure to step on them, requires that you keep a box of gravel in the bathroom for it to poop in and STILL walks around acting like it’s better than you when they could have a dog instead.

    However, I went to visit a friend’s today and as I walked past her neighbor’s house the little gray cat sitting in the driveway meowed at me as if to say, “Hey, got a minute?” I did in fact have a minute so I stopped and the cat walked right up to me and did that rubbing on your legs thing I’ve seen them do. This has never happened to me. Generally cats ignore me, run from me, hiss at me, scratch/bite me or all of the above.

    I must admit feeling a bit special that the cat deemed me and my pants worthy of shedding all over. So, despite my suspicions that being the time of year it is my furry friend was actually a small dog trying on it’s cat costume, I’m going to give felines a pass and say geese instead. Aside from being noisy and messy they’re aggressive and mean. If you’ve never been bitten by an impatient goose who can’t wait 2 seconds for you to tear a bit of bread off your sammie, I don’t recommend trying it. Goose bites hurt like a mofo and unlike a dog or horse, people feel free to laugh and point when you’re being attacked by a goose.

  10. ceciliag October 27, 2011 at 11:49 am #

    I cannot think of an animal i actively dislike at the mo, but man that emu looks scary!! c

  11. becomingcliche October 27, 2011 at 11:50 am #

    Ostriches ARE dumb. And they WILL peck your eyes out. Or kick you so hard that they break your leg.

    My most hated animals are guinea fowl. When we lived in the country, a neighboring farm had hundreds of them that he let roam free. They appeared on our lawn by 6:30 every morning and did not recognize the sanctity of a Saturday. They sounded like a thousand rusty bicycles. I bought a sling shot, and I let my herding dog have free reign-of-terror.

  12. krhtoday October 27, 2011 at 12:02 pm #

    What a question! Do bugs count? Centipedes rank up there as not good. Feel ya on being a cat lover though! The cat on the right is BEAUTIFUL. 🙂

    • tinkerbelle86 October 27, 2011 at 7:18 pm #

      she was only a tiny kitten now. but dont be fooled, she is pure evil. sometines she manages to get in the workings of the recliner sofa and when you think you are safe she jabs her claws out the middle and knifes you. and i think she eats babies

  13. pattisj October 27, 2011 at 1:45 pm #

    I love that little dark kitten. I don’t know that I hate any animals. Will have to think about that.

  14. Sam October 27, 2011 at 2:03 pm #

    I loved this one. Lots of giggles. Agree on the Ostrich thing, we’ll agree to disagree on the ponies 😉

  15. Sheeple Liberator October 27, 2011 at 3:06 pm #

    Once I was in a wildlife zoo in Australia that has free-roaming emus. I had a little bag of pellets in my handbag which the zoo gives you so you can hand-feed the kangaroos. Anyway, there was this one particular emu who kept following us around all day. Very annoying and creepy. When I turned my back on him, he actually stuck his head into my handbag (thanks to his creepy long neck) and started eating the pellets! So I understand your fear of emus 🙂

    My most hated animal is the cat (sorry!). They scare me. I’m much more of a dog person. I would rather be bitten by a dog than scratched by a cat’s claws.

  16. Miss Demure Restraint October 27, 2011 at 3:42 pm #

    You can’t trust dinosaurs. They are now saying birds are the descendants of dinosaurs, so my vote goes to the modern day raptors. Dumb or just very, very clever. I believe them to be planning a coup to retake their status as rulers of the earth.

    • tinkerbelle86 October 28, 2011 at 7:18 pm #

      no i totally agree. if Jurassic Park taught us anything its that you cant trust those little devils!

  17. joem18b October 27, 2011 at 4:49 pm #

    I don’t like the Black Mamba, probably because one bite can kill you.

  18. afrankangle October 27, 2011 at 8:06 pm #

    Snakes and wasps for me. Yikes … both give me the heebee jeebees. Gorgo was one of the first movie animals that marked me for life. But cats … gotta love ’em!

  19. philosophermouseofthehedge October 27, 2011 at 8:13 pm #

    The thing about horses is that with those eyes on either side of their head – how to they make sense of what they are seeing? (Also they are easily scared…like by pieces of paper or that tiny crack on the ground or that bit of dust…..maybe that leaf is dangerous…..)

  20. danthonia October 27, 2011 at 8:33 pm #

    I would say that all animals are beautif… Help me! My animals are holding me to ransom. One has a claw to my throat while the dog is syphoning money from internet bank account. The chickens are trashing my garden like some avian bike gang. The ducks have set up an orgy after they robbed a beer truck. And the geese! The geese are d… I would say I love my animals. Really! help?!?

  21. Main Street Musings Blog October 27, 2011 at 9:01 pm #

    I’m with you on the horses. They’re fun until you’re thrown off one. Twice. I’ll stick with a bicycle.

  22. gojulesgo October 27, 2011 at 10:10 pm #

    Tink!!!! I hate horses, too!!! And I don’t even have a good excuse. They just scare the poo out of me, with their hugeness and crazy eyes. My mom and sister LOVE horses, and now I live in a house with a 2-stall horse barn, so I’m really the odd woman out. Maybe we should start an anti-equine club*.

    *Must love unicorns.

    • tinkerbelle86 October 28, 2011 at 7:19 pm #

      how do you feel about guinea pigs? this is the tie breaker

  23. eremophila October 27, 2011 at 10:39 pm #

    Horses are just too smart for most people:-) Emus and peacocks are the one’s I cannot abide…..oh…and guinea pigs…. I think jumping spiders are very entertaining….no, nothing rational about our likes and dislikes!

    • tinkerbelle86 October 28, 2011 at 7:19 pm #

      guinea pigs are silly. you pick them up and they freak out and poop all over you!

  24. Jennifavor October 27, 2011 at 11:34 pm #

    I don’t think I hate any animals. I absolutely love birds and cats. I am terrified of spiders and a few bugs but I don’t hate them, I just want them to all go somewhere else…

  25. MJ, Nonstepmom October 28, 2011 at 12:42 am #

    I guess i’m the opposite, I tend to like animals more than people. I did get chased by a wild turkey once, mean sucker! But if bugs count, I’d agree with the centpede thing, ick.(They are the reason I dont kill spiders – hoping they’ll be dinner.)

  26. jannatwrites October 28, 2011 at 4:20 am #

    I love animals, but I dislke pigeons. They poop all over my car and perch on our rooftop so they can bomb anyone that approaches our front door.

    Come to think of it, we don’t have many unwanted visitors, so maybe the pigeons aren’t that bad after all…

  27. jakennicksmomma October 28, 2011 at 2:48 pm #

    Eek! I jumped a little in my chair when I scrolled down to see the ostrich photo!

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