Thanks to the success of my Here Little Fishy post, I have decided to write a bit more. Like a child who gets a clap from their mother and then carries on performing, despite annoying the rest of the room? Yep, that’s me! To give you a bit of background, I signed up to a free dating site to see what all the fuss is about. I have dabbled in internet dating before but always been a bit half-hearted, and always used the sites that you pay for on the premise that you have to at least have a job to pay for a dating site. But anyway, if you want to know more about the history of this post, then go back and read Here Little Fishy. Apparently I’m funny sometimes 🙂
My bugbear is this. A picture says a thousand words, and first impressions are everything, right? So I’m pretty sure that however glowing your bio, the photo is important, and this is backed by statistics online that say a great deal (vague, can’t actually find the thing I am referring to!) of people will not click on a profile that doesn’t have a picture. Because however charming and dashing you sound, you could be Jabba the Hut or look like you haven’t washed in months. Let’s gloss over the fact that it doesn’t take the next Steven Hawking to work out that you could post a picture of someone else.
OK, so…. Photos. I really wish I could use the ACTUAL photos that were the muses for this post, as then you would really understand, but as Elton would say “my gift is my song, and this one’s for you”. I’ll use my words.
Example A: Man in Room.
Let’s call him Man in Room (because I don’t know what his name is, mainly). Man in Room was clearly on holiday.. I can see the thought process behind this. Relaxed, in the sun, having a laugh, good idea! Man in Room had failed to tidy up however, and therefore made himself look like he was living in a travel lodge with an entire week’s charity bag collection that he had pillaged from the locals.
Example B: Sunny Delight.
Sunny Delight had about eight pictures, all with himself in various states of undress, in aviators. For those of you who have lived under a rock since Top Gun, aviators cover most of your face and can make anyone with dark hair look like Tom Cruise. I think that could be considered false advertising.
Example C: Example.
I think I will refer to this specimen as Example because he thought he was a DJ and all his pictures were taken under strobe light. Again, not a good way to gauge whether he had two eyes, for a start.
I like to surround myself with funny people, so if the pictures and captions make me laugh I’m onto a winner. Johnny Vegas? Ideal man. Well…
One guy had a picture of him standing in front of a waterfall so he looked like he was being sick. My kind of humour! Another had sarcastic captions like “Me, running.” “Me, standing still”. Again, it doesn’t take much to make me laugh.
My favourite of this week had to be the guy who emailed me to ask what SEO was, citing that he felt it was Safe Elephant Operation. Hahah!
I do have to say however I am losing attention with this particular line of interest and may give up soon. Characters are amusing for a time, but if I hear that goddamn polar bear joke one more time I will kill.
I got an email yesterday which I had to share, mainly for my die hard Blog Brigade… “Hey dere (for real) me and my mate have a bet, what colours your fong?”
I had to laugh. It did baffle me for a bit. What the hell is a fong? Emma wasn’t in at the time so I couldn’t get a guest opinion. There’s me thinking of vampire teeth (I know right. Fang. I was tired) until the penny dropped like Hiroshima and I realised he was referring to my thong. Of which I don’t own, because it’s like wearing undies constructed of floss. Not pleasant, and I don’t believe a single one of you girls who say “Oooh they are soooooo comfy. You almost don’t realise you have them on”. Sure thing, because YOU ALMOST DON’T HAVE THEM ON.
Internet Dating Update: Of the two original guys that had my number, one has been deleted due to infinite boredom. One remains. He has been joined by a bloke that told me he woke up one morning and went into his kitchen to find Tom Jones playing and his mate asleep on the floor. The word bromance got me. I’m easily pleased.