Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.

20 Sep

I have been thinking a lot recently about the nuances between girls and boys and the part that one has to play in the other. Whether you are male or female, married or single, or in the starting throes of a relationship where all you can do is talk about that person and really annoy your nearest and dearest, you will have felt the confusion of the opposite sex at some point in your life.

I have no propensity to talk about the weirdness of the male species from their point of view. I am one of two girls, my cousins are girls (making me girl three) and my boy cousins are teenagers and therefore a whole other sub species of males. They don’t wash, they show their love for us by punching us and whipping us with tennis balls in socks and talking to them is like having a deep and meaningful with either Beavis or Butthead.

I can however, talk about girls, and the delicate intricacies of our personalities. We all fall into buckets, you see. And I could try to describe all of them, but there’s no point, as Sharideth Smith has done a far better job than I ever could at the Glossary of Girls

She Peaked in High School

You know who I mean.  She’s in her mid to late 20′s and still campaigning for prom queen.  she may never be more than she is and her life plan is to be Mrs. dr. somebody.  The height of her success will be chairing the women’s axillary at the country club.  that’s the super prom queen win.

The upside to this one is that she is not a gold digger.  She will tend to be simple and loyal.

Miss Insecurity

This is the beautiful girl who has no sense of self-worth.  She puts herself down, refuses to take a compliment and asks questions like “why do you like me?”  She needs constant reassurance and may have trust issues.  However, there is hope for this one.  If you see moments of fierceness poking through the fear clouds, she may be able to learn to stiffen her spine and become “a keeper”.

The Cling-on

This girl is so needy she can’t function without you.  That’s an ego stroke on the front end but exhausting shortly there after.  She has to know where you are and be able to get in touch with you at all times.  Blowing up your cell phone during your guy’s night is just the beginning.  At first she will seem normal but she will quickly dump all her friends and activities to be attached to you 24/7.  And oh yes, she will expect the same from you.

Upside to this one?  Just like Miss Insecurity, she may be able to learn to chill out and gain some confidence.

The Princess

She is the Sears Tower of high maintenance.  It’s her way, all day, everyday.  according to Dr. Phil, and I quote, “She’s not a wife, she’s a job.”  You’ll spend your whole life catering to her.  She is the epicenter of self-absorption.  If she gets annoyed, and she will, a lot, you’d better be ready with the jewelry.  She would never pick up a newspaper but has an encyclopedic knowledge of teeth whiteners.

Positives?  I can’t think of one.  Unless you’re into vapid and spending all your money.

Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong

This one can be sneaky.  She will lure you in by making you believe she’s fun and outgoing.  Next thing you know, you’re insecure and a shell of your former self.  She will criticize everything you do in a way that makes you think she’s right.  She wields a passive-aggressive sword with all the finesse of Picasso.  You are cleanly sliced in two before you ever see the blow.  Being right all the time and making you understand how right she is, is her drug of choice.

Positives?  Her respect can be earned.  You just have to pick your battles.  Man up and learn to say no.

Itsneverenough Girl

Nothing you do, provide, accomplish will ever be enough for this one.  Reaching the bar will never happen because she will always raise it.  It’s highly likely that when she’s in a good mood, she’s the life of the party.  But when the party’s over, she’s going to give you the laundry list of everything you did wrong that she’s been tallying all night long.  She is always on the verge of fury, will emasculate you and use sex as a weapon.  No matter what you do, it will never be enough and she may even tell you so directly.

The only hope for this one is a personality transplant or Prozac.

The Runner

This girl is not for the faint of heart.  chances are good that she has some legitimate trust issues that have been more inflicted upon her than acquired.  Once you start to get too close, she bolts.  But she’s strong and probably very caring and intelligent.  She’s just afraid and will put you through the wringer before granting you even the smallest trace of faith.  However, she is very likely worth it.

The Keeper

This girl doesn’t need you but just prefers to have you along.  She’s comfortable around your friends and family.  unless of course, you friends are schmucks or your family is a cesspool of dysfunction.  She knows who she is and likes herself.  she loves being with you but is also happy having her own friends and independence.  This is a girl who, if you dropped dead, would survive because she’s that strong.  She likes her life but would rather have you in it.  she’s your equal.  She challenges you and makes you want to be a better man.  You’ll be waiting to see what she says next.

It’s funny because, of course, its true. I think most of us see a little of ourselves in one or other of these categories.

But this is not the point of my post. My point is, why do people say one thing and totally mean another? My friends have been through the ringer a little bit recently with men saying one thing and meaning another. One man asked a friend to take the day off so they could spend some time together and then cancelled at 4pm. Pretty much once her working day was done anyway. Another has been messed around by a guy who keeps saying he wants to see her and cancelling, and then has decided actually he doesn’t want to see her at all. And girls do it too. Don’t say you are interested in someone, let them buy you dinner and then not reply to an invitation for days. And don’t use “something came up”.

I think the whole point that I am trying to make is that when your mum told you as a child that honesty was the best policy, she was right. The truth may hurt, but it’s a damn sight better than giving someone the benefit of the doubt and then finding that they didn’t mean what you were putting your faith in in the first place. And I think that whether you are male or female, when you meet the right person they will say what they mean and mean what they say. And they will take you for who you are. They wont listen to people talking about who you used to be and they will go with the flow. Because when its right it will be easy. So hold your head high!

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25 Responses to “Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

  1. brainrants September 20, 2011 at 11:59 am #

    You know I could easily conjure a list of male asshattery to match this. Not all women are bad. You get categorized in accordance with the Nail Theory: Walk on a wood deck and stub your toe (painful) on a nail worked part out of the wood, you notice that nail. Hating nails for that is stupid since all the other nails are just holding down boards and minding their own bid’niss.

    • tinkerbelle86 September 20, 2011 at 12:10 pm #

      no we arent!!! would love to read the man version of this. Loving the nail theory 🙂

  2. rantonit September 20, 2011 at 12:30 pm #

    There’s a point to all this . If you take everything that happens around you and strip it down to a basic process , you’ll find that everything should cancel out .
    Take a knot for example , pulled apart , it’s just so much string .
    It’s only because we continuously twist ourselves into what we are that we exist , if you wanted to truly be with some one , you’ll eventually have to figure out how to love the knots without pulling them apart for a look-see first.

  3. egills September 20, 2011 at 1:59 pm #

    Having been there and done that many times it’s when you are truely comfortable with who you are ( male and female ) before you can be happy and contented. Once that happens then it all slips into place and we all become the ‘keeper’.
    I hope your friends get some self esteem soon so they can blow off the losers that are using them as emergency standbys!

  4. Sincerely, Emily September 20, 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    Hi Tinkerbell, thanks for stopping by my blog and liking my molasses cookies. After reading your post, I am so glad I am out of the dating pool and comfortable in my own skin. No more dealing with “this” and “that”. A date with my husband every now and then is just fine!

  5. will date for free food September 20, 2011 at 6:17 pm #

    Great post! I completely agree with you. I went on a third date with a guy last night, and realized that I can’t see myself with him in the future. (Wish I could, he’s a great guy.) So as much as I don’t want to have a “conversation” after just 3 dates, I do know the next time he contacts me I will have to be straight up with him before it gets too late! I would want someone to do the same to me.

    • tinkerbelle86 September 21, 2011 at 9:22 am #

      oh no!! its tough isnt it, the ones that are generally nice are the ones that you cant see yourself with, and the ones who are pains in the bum or come with a story are the ones that get under your skin!

  6. Kay aka Babygirl September 20, 2011 at 7:16 pm #

    I loved your explanation of all the different types of females. Although I agree, most females fall into one these categories.. there are some females who have a little of each category as well. I think most people just need to figure out what they can and can not deal with when they are in a relationship. Knowing that will help you weed out the “why did I date her” question. I can’t wait to see your categories for men if you write that post 🙂

    • tinkerbelle86 September 21, 2011 at 8:07 am #

      its totally not mine, i cant take credit for it at all!!! click through to Sharideths blog, she’s pretty bang on with most of her comments

  7. philosophermouseofthehedge September 20, 2011 at 8:17 pm #

    Really funny post! Great giggles – with reality included!

  8. mooselicker September 20, 2011 at 9:51 pm #

    You described everyone I know…some guys too.

  9. H.E. ELLIS September 20, 2011 at 10:03 pm #

    I am 1000% The Runner so I guess I’ll work toward being a Keeper. Now if I could just meet a man who isn’t a total douchebag I’d be all set.

    • tinkerbelle86 September 21, 2011 at 8:10 am #

      oh me too. Im all over the runner. i think a runner is a keeper too, so never fear 🙂 i have a confession, i think they all have a bit of douchebag in them….

  10. barkinginthedark September 20, 2011 at 11:31 pm #

    “She is the Sears Tower of high maintenance.” what a funny line…
    i don’t think the “man” version of this could approach the diversity depicted here. this is what I think the male version might look like:
    Men =
    5% — cool, interesting, fun to be around in a not frat house way,
    Can get up and get a beer for themselves, or, for that matter, fix dinner, do dishes, and laundry,
    Can basically fend for themselves almost without female help (tho’ never refused, and always welcome),
    Can admit he’s lost – and ask the woman for help,
    Can admit women are, for the most part, the more efficient, brighter, and wiser of the species,

    and 95% — fairly incapable of all, or most, of the above.
    Okay, maybe its 10% – 90%.

    Fire away.

    • tinkerbelle86 September 21, 2011 at 8:09 am #

      im scared one day you will stop saying “fire away” and “carry on” and say STOP!!!

  11. goddessofglitter September 21, 2011 at 4:43 am #

    Hi Tink! Thanks for visiting my blog. I’ve checked out a few of your posts and have really enjoyed myself! You have a great writing style. I really liked your insite here. You’re right, it’s about being comfortable with yourself and not looking for someone to “complete you”, that’s a terrible myth. My now husband is the only relationship where I wasn’t insecure in myself, and I was my honest self from the beginning. For once someone was going to like me the way I liked me. And well, 11 yrs later. . .
    It was long distance, but it wasn’t really work. Coordination maybe, but not work. It should be easy when you are first dating. The work comes later. Male or female, if someone is trying to make you someone you aren’t, through demands, expectations, manipulations, etc, if you don’t like who you are in the relationship, then maybe the relationship should be reevaluated.
    I love the catagories, and I think you could write descriptions for men using some if not all of the same ones you used here.

  12. rickythewiz September 21, 2011 at 9:18 am #

    I think you’re right and you’ll be glad to know that boys/men fit into roughly similar categories, with minor gender differences. Isn’t it sad that stereotypes actually work when we really try to look at people?

    • tinkerbelle86 September 21, 2011 at 9:23 am #

      i guess whoever invented the stereotypes in the first place did their research

  13. LittleMissVix September 21, 2011 at 10:37 am #

    This reminds me of the film He’s just not that into you – if people were more hoenst, we wouldn’t spend hours analysing their text messages and would relaise that the true ones won’t play games or mess us around because they care whereas the rest need to get out!

    • tinkerbelle86 September 21, 2011 at 10:59 am #

      i saw that recently and thought it was great! if only it was all that clear!

  14. Team Oyeniyi September 22, 2011 at 10:47 am #

    Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. You got it wrong! 😆

    I actually read that book – very pop psychy type writing, but some astonishingly accurate observations. And WTF to “One man asked a friend to take the day off so they could spend some time together and then cancelled at 4pm.” – Prime example. I hope she kicked him so far to the curb he went down the storm water drain!

  15. breezyk September 22, 2011 at 2:58 pm #

    Hey- thanks for visiting my blog 🙂 Your “Glossary of Girls” is awesome- i have definitely known a few from each category in my time.. especially the “She Peaked in High School” and “Miss Insecurity” types.. what is it about beautiful girls and insecurity, anyway??

    • tinkerbelle86 September 22, 2011 at 3:22 pm #

      thanks but its so not mine, if you liked it you should click through the link to Sharideth’s blog, its fantastic. i subscribe and she makes me laugh everytime she posts!

  16. Doudoune homme Moncler September 23, 2011 at 7:37 am #

    Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. – Mark Twain

  17. Anthony Baker September 26, 2011 at 11:04 am #

    Great post, but I am so glad I read it AFTER I got married. It would have made me too nervous to take the plunge:-)

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