Jekyll and Hyde

19 Sep

I have this theory about personalities, and how much of one you show to people. It ties in seamlessly with my thought that marriage is a waste of time, and something that is a big show for essentially a party and a pretty dress. I know that a lot of people don’t agree with me on this one, but I don’t think a piece of paper and a ring means you love someone any more than the married couple sitting across from you, and it seems to me that however cynical, it is just a massive expense to get out of.

Anyway, back to my theory on personality. I believe that you only know how much of a person that they are willing to show you, and I am always suspicious of a person that claims someone else “knows me better than I know myself”. I hardly know myself some days, so how can someone else know me better? I get that if you know a person you can predict how they will act on previous experience, but I also think that the past is a box that is kept in the garage; preserved in case it’s needed, but should affect your experiences in the present.

So my theory comes about to serial killers. I believe that the difference in a normal person like you or I and a serial killer is this. Everyone has different faucets of their personality that they show to different people. My housemates know that I have a really strong side; that however much something hurts I can smile and pretend that i have escaped from a situation unharmed. My sister sees my mental side and other people see my caring side, I can be nice sometimes! I don’t necessarily show every part of my personality to everyone, and I think this is common in most people. So I think that the difference with serial killers is that they have sides of their personality that they never show anyone. Bits that they keep to themselves and never reveal, and that’s when they become, well, murder-y.

I guess it comes back to the idea of first impressions and how we all make assumptions due to things we have done in the past, or people we have met, or how a person initially comes across. I might seem nice and friendly for the majority of the time, but I know for a fact that there is at least one ex-boyfriend that would say I was a heartless life ruiner (dramatic maybe, but upon reflection, maybe slightly true), or a member of staff who would call me cold and opinionated. It always makes me laugh to see friends when they are in a work environment, as they often act differently to how you would imagine them to. I know a lot of people might be thinking “you should be yourself with everyone and not change to suit the person you are with” and I totally agree with this, but I think its human nature to put different parts of yourself in the forefront depending on whom you are speaking with.

But the side of my personality I show the most is the funny one. I’m not a morning person (after being woken at 8am on a Sunday by someone who commented I was grumpy my housemate pitched in “She doesn’t know this time of the morning exists at the weekend!”) so I am more than likely to seem rude before a cup of tea and a decent wake up time, and if something is playing on my mind and it is elsewhere then I can come across as distant and aloof. But all these things make me as I am, so take me or leave me!

Do you have a different personality at work, or around different people? Do you find yourself louder with certain friends, perhaps?

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24 Responses to “Jekyll and Hyde”

  1. Gary Lum September 19, 2011 at 10:23 am #

    I used to put on a façade at work. Now I’m just me.

  2. David Halliday September 19, 2011 at 10:47 am #

    I think we all are multi-personalities. We’re always wearing different hats. About serial killers I have no idea. I’m not sure if they are all damaged goods or if there are born stone cold killes in every species. Take our cat for example…

  3. rumpydog September 19, 2011 at 10:51 am #

    I have a bit of a different take. I think I have one personality but people see what they choose to see in me. So you think the whole world is out to get you- then you see me as one more jerk just trying to use you. On the other hand, if you see the world as a place where everyone has value and there is joy to be shared in every moment, then you’re going to see me as one more exciting adventure- no matter how short. Hence the saying what you think of me is none of my business.

    • tinkerbelle86 September 19, 2011 at 10:53 am #

      never heard that saying before but I think Im going to take it on board for the rest of life, I love it!

  4. egills September 19, 2011 at 11:59 am #

    Interesting thought – I suppose I’m myself even at work although when I worked as a manager in a fashion shop I had to be cold and heartless sometimes.
    I have to agree with rumpydog on this, take home life for example, my partner and children like the fact I keep a clean tidy house with a well stocked fridge/freezer etc, whereas my stepdaughter finds me a horrid nagging OCD freak.

  5. sn2snblog September 19, 2011 at 12:10 pm #

    This ties in pretty much the same with my theory of personality, The thing is its always developing and changing through life events that its hardly something one person can know.

    We learn so much about our selfs as we live through each day, and those friends that introduce us to experiences that really our new to us develope our personality with them, I find it strange how we subconciously hide that part of us from other friends. Its like having two friends one who is religious the other isnt. Were more likely to talk about sexual experiences with the one who isnt religious, is that to honour there beliefs or save ourselfs a religious debate?

    I always say the truest way to learn about yourself is to see who you are with everyone. All those different you’s form who you actually are, its just our action is down to what is expected of us depending on who we are with.

    (im currently studying psychology and this is like chapter one, in personal development, its supposed to be a behaviour we learn from interacting with our friends differently to how we interact with our parents, its learnt from understanding that certain people are treated differently, people of higher status than us. I guess it just spills out into everyday life too.)

    If you look carefully at people going about there business on the train etc you can actually see them change, I saw one guy sitting quitely on the train minding his own business once and his phone rang and he was all right.
    “Alright mate! yeah man i was completely toasted lastnight, Yeah im up for it again tonight yeah! PARTY hahah! im just on the train at the moment mate ill give you a buzz later sometime then. peace!” he hung up his phone and continued to just sit there quiety his open confident self evaporated as soon as his phone call ended.
    Good post 🙂

  6. rickythewiz September 19, 2011 at 12:16 pm #

    Well first about marriage; My wife and I got married in a registry office with only her parents and two witnesses in attendance. Later we had a our marriage sanctified by a priest in front of two witnesses. We got married to commit to each other for life. We both knew we were meant to be together. Friends and relatives who did the big expensive marriages have all mostly divorced. We’re still together. I know my wife really well and she knows me well. We’re still lovers, best friends and now parents. So from my own point of view I’m not sure about what you say about marriage. Secondly everyone has different facets of their personality and as they grow and change these merge into a more stable unified personality, in most people. People grow and change and become the person they are supposed to be. Children from dysfunctional backgrounds stuggle to grow and change because bits of them are damaged by family and nurturing experiences when young, but they can stabilise and come to be ‘whole’ if they get help or make an effort to repair damage done by childhood experiences. The parts of the personality that people hide and the ‘masks’ people wear are there to paper over the cracks of ‘personality dysfunction’. Run of the mill non psychiatrically diagnosed psychopaths, especially serial killers, usually have serious damage done to the child ‘ego state’ in them and so they have to hide this damaged spiteful child from the rest of the world. The child in them is constantly in pain and instead of self harm they inflict harm on others. At least that is one reasonably well held view of such people.
    Different aspects or facets of a ‘personality’, which is what we might define the person we believe ourselves to be and the people that others percieve us to be, are sometimes psychological responses to environment and interactive stimuli, as suggested by ‘rumpydog’. Most people learn to adjust their behaviour to suit an environment and especially working environments. Soldiers are not natural killers, but required to be killers for their work. Many jobs require that we wear the ‘hat’ as David Halliday suggests. This is not an attempt at false hood, but simply a ‘professionalization’ of our personality to enable us to function better in the working environment. So though I see what you mean about people having different personalities for different situations I suggest that it is possible to know someone as well as they know themselves if one takes the time to read between the lines of what they are saying, listen to voice intonation and read their non verbal signals and language; if as one does in a marriage, assuming one is not psychologically or emotionally dysfunctional, any friendship or relationship can result, with giving enough attention to the needs of the other in that relationship, in knowing the person very well. Though it must be said that many people want to take from relationships and not give. There is a pyschological profile binary polarity that fits this; Radiators & Drains. You know which of the people around you is which from how you feel about them. You of course appear to me to be a radiator! I also suspect that the light hearted humorous individual with the interesting thoughts and good way of expressing them is also the dominant part of your personality and thank goodness for that, because your blog is thought provoking and intelligent, yet touched by humour which makes it all the more appealing. You certainly go me thinking today!

    • tinkerbelle86 September 19, 2011 at 12:33 pm #

      wow that was a lot to digest!! thanks for taking the time to post your thoughts, its realy interesting to read. I love the thought of being a radiator too, so thank you!! provoking thoughts is of course the aim of the game 🙂

  7. Danielle September 19, 2011 at 1:28 pm #

    I don’t think I only see the mental side!

  8. zendictive September 19, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

    I liked this post (~_~) reminds me of the saying that people our four people, the one people see when you meet and never see again, The one your family and friends think you are, the one you think you are and the one you really are.(same as talk to yourself, then go to the mirror and talk to you, is it the same?)

    Have a zen-filled day (~_*) bows humble

    • sn2snblog September 19, 2011 at 2:47 pm #

      I like this 😀
      Very enlightening 😄

  9. prenin September 19, 2011 at 3:26 pm #

    We all have a dark side.

    My light side is my caring nature and the way I collect friends and help people, the huge number of kids I looked after – some of whom now look after me – and the magic face I wear which hides the hurting and bad memories.

    My dark side is when Doug threatens suicide and digs for sympathy and he doesn’t get what he wants.

    Hard hearted I know, but if he truly intended to take his life he’d be dead by now…

    Love and hugs.

    Prenin.

  10. English Major Critic September 19, 2011 at 4:50 pm #

    The idea of a dark side is a well-explored concept in fiction from the aforementioned Jekyll-Hyde to videogames such as The Legend of Zelda. I’m also a believer that we hide our real selves from public in order to climb up the social ladder. So yeah; the nicest guy you bumped into you might be planning how to eat your liver with a side of flava beans (hissssss….) and a nice Chianti.

  11. allijyoocy September 19, 2011 at 5:01 pm #

    I like your blog, and your laughter motto.

    Having multiple sides is fun (except for when you’re a psycho killer, i assume)! You get to wear different hats and it keeps people on their toes.

    OH~ call me a romantic but I think there are people who can know you better than you know yourself. They have eyes outside from yours!

  12. thefourthditch September 19, 2011 at 6:15 pm #

    I think the whole “Be your self! Be your true self!” ideology is misguided. It’s not precise; what is your true self? Some unchanging set of mannerisms? The idea that that comes about in a vacuum is absurd; it requires interaction, and who we interact with shapes it. I act at least slightly differently around each friend I have, and the mannerisms I’ve cultivated have come about because of what each particular friend and I can resonate over.

  13. anelek September 19, 2011 at 8:39 pm #

    I really like this open conversation that you initiate with your posts!:D
    Hehe to answer your question, I think everyone is slightly different with different people.. I mean we are the same…just different people bring out a different aspect of us, it seems…

  14. gojulesgo September 19, 2011 at 10:52 pm #

    I think this is your cry for help before you go on a murderous rampage, but I don’t know the number of the authorities in England, so I’ve just sent them looking for a funny blogger that goes by the name of “Tinkerbelle” and some say looks like Rachel Bilson. Forgive me.

  15. lovelylici1986 September 20, 2011 at 2:58 pm #

    I have one personality. I think it’s okay, because there’s only one me. Mind you, there are many different sides of me, aspects of my personality, characteristics, etc. In many ways, I’m a huge contradiction. Everything about me is not apparent to everyone I interact with. At work, I’m about the business. I come in, sit to my desk, do what I’m supposed to do, and leave when it’s time to go. I greet people in passing, but that’s about it. On the street, I avoid confrontation, conversation… Any interaction, really, with strangers (because people here are WEIRD and it’s kind of dangerous). With my friends, I talk a lot more, laugh FAR more, joke around, etc. With my family, I keep it simple. They’re Christian people with values and morals that I may or may not agree with, but I make sure that my interactions with them are respectful.
    I think we just show what we want to show. Sometimes, we censor ourselves. In most cases, we’re not the same way with everyone in our lives. I actually think it’s important to deal with people as individuals. We can be blunt with some people, while others may require a little massaging and euphemism-use. That’s life.

  16. Team Oyeniyi September 22, 2011 at 10:41 am #

    I THINK with me what you see is what you get all the time although I don’t swear as much at work! Or at all now, really, as I am in a new environment with a little more decorum than my old environment.

    Basically I think I am the same everywhere.

  17. Lissa Mathieu September 26, 2011 at 4:36 pm #

    such truth to this post!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The personality Effect « Sn2Sn;blog - September 19, 2011

    […] that these are optimal moments in which we adapt as a person. I read a blog by Tinkerbelle today (http://laughteriscatching.com/2011/09/19/jekyll-and-hyde/), She raises quite a few decent thoughts that really got me thinking into what exactly makes up a […]

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