I’m Sorry Officer….

6 Sep

I am a bit of a car related nightmare. I can say it out loud, so please anyone who knows me and feel s the need to stick the knife in, resist comments. I. KNOW.

So even I am surprised that I haven’t had more run ins with the police. It’s not that I am a dangerous (again friends, less) or illegal driver, I am just slightly complacent some of the time. I like to put it down to concentrating on other things.

When we were on our way back from Vegas to San Diego there was a run in with the police, who I might add are a lot scarier in America, a stark chance from your Bobby on the Beat (accidently typed Booby the first time, this post could have taken on a whole new meaning!). My uncle and I were about five miles up the road, him trying to show off the midlife crisis mobile; an Aston Martin DB5, and me, being the oldest of the five, claiming dibs on not being packed into a station wagon with two hyperactive teenage boys who had a new game called something Unicorn on the iphone which came with an irritating theme tune. Still haunts my dreams.

We stopped at In and Out (mmmmm, In and Out) and expected them to turn up. We waited. And waited. Forty minutes later they turned up, my aunt looking like she might explode, Pixie in floods of tears, Thing One looking smug and Thing Two looking sheepish. Turns out that they had been pulled over by the police as T2 and Pixie had not had their seatbelts on (bad kids, BAD!) and my auntie was given two hefty tickets as a result. The two kids had to pay the fines out of their pocket money while Thing One smugly looked on. The only time he had his seatbelt on the others got caught!

When I was eighteen I was pulled over by the police and breathalysed on a night out. It was a Monday (I remember like it was yesterday) and I had had one small glass of wine at about 6pm. We had gone to a bar and I was on my way home via a club to drop my friends off. I saw the blue lights flashing, and pulled over, terrified.

Turns out I had come out of the car park, and being a fairly new driver in a well-lit area, forgot to put my lights on. I was breathalysed by the side of the road, while my drunk friend hung out of the window taking photos which were then displayed on her uni wall) and the policeman said “I’m sorry love, its green”.

My world crashed down before me. I couldn’t understand it. I had had a teeny glass of wine SIX HOURS AGO yet I was going to be carted off to prison with murderers for the rest of my life. My mum was going to be so disappointed. Thoughts of having limited tampax and having to exchange my heat magazine for a hairbrush crossed my mind, and I was petrified. I didn’t want to shave my head like a lesbian. I’d worked for years to grow these locks!

When the other policeman realised I hadn’t got the joke he explained to me that it was OK, green meant OK and I was safe to go. My heart in my mouth, I got back in the car and went home. And this is why I don’t drink anything and drive.

Have you ever had a run in with the police?

25 Responses to “I’m Sorry Officer….”

  1. graysonjack September 6, 2011 at 1:53 pm #

    I detest traffic police. I love cops for the job they do with real crime, but pulling people over for certain infractions just reeks of small government trying to make a little extra money to put in the city coffers. Anyway, I’m not exactly criminal material but I have been arrested and gone to jail 3 times. All for speeding ticket warrants. I know I know…I should have paid them but meh, all 3 were in a city I can’t stand because their police do nothing but pull people over for barely speeding. I’m currently working on a news story that shows some particularly damning numbers. Anywho, I’d rather sit the tickets out in jail then pay them a single dime. My boss just thinks it’s funny. I have principles dammit!

  2. gojulesgo September 6, 2011 at 2:34 pm #

    Ha! My one ticket was for speeding on the highway several years ago, but the most terrifying run-in with authority has to be on the trip my husband and I made to Montreal two years ago. At the border check point, there were very unusual, low-to-the-ground signs that we didn’t realize were stop signs. There were no cars around so we just pulled up to the nearest booth. When we got to the window to be ‘inspected,’ this young, angry woman just started screaming at us. “Is this how you drive in America!? You just go right through stop signs!? Well, answer me! Is it!? Take off your sunglasses!” We were stunned speechless for several longggg seconds. Surprised they let us in. I was ready to turn around!

    • tinkerbelle86 September 6, 2011 at 2:55 pm #

      Jules!!! thats scary stuff! i thought Canadians were nice!!! 🙂

  3. prenin September 6, 2011 at 2:43 pm #

    Hi hun! 🙂

    Yes I have had run-ins with the Police thanks to my paid informer neighbour Bob who wired my home for sound and sold me to whoever would pay as a drug addict, a burglar (I broke down a neighbours door because the attending Police officer didn’t want to damage the door even though he’d collapsed with a stroke two days before), a paedophile because Becky and Emily were coming up to my place to get help with their homework (I’ve looked after them since birth) and when they ran out of charges they tried to tie me into four child murders in Denmark because I visited the country one Christmas and when that fell through they tried to tie me to pornographic material made by a Scotsman because I once told a joke in a Scottish accent.

    Meanwhile my God daughter’s entire extended family sold me to the press and media so I was in the middle of a feeding frenzy.

    I was cleared of all charges and offered £60,000 which I refused, but then they got into my childhood and drove me to suicide.

    I was in ICU for two days and, once they knew I would live, Bob kicked down my door, searched my home, then fixed the door and made a duplicate key so he could get in whenever he wanted.

    As I was transferred from ICU to Psychiatric care a man got on the Ambulance and apologised in the most grudging way possible, but I was paralysed so I couldn’t spit in his face.

    I was victimised in the Psychiatric Unit for six weeks until I was released in the care of a CPN.

    Over the next six months Bob recorded every visitor, every conversation while my friends all sold me to the press and media, my God daughter Becky being used as bait in a Honey Trap.

    Needless to say I passed with flying colours, but Becky’s aunt Moira showed up and threatened to have my home burgled because I wasn’t co-operating.

    Unable to get me to commit an offence they switched to terrorising me in my home and used Bob’s key to get in my home to doctor my food and drink.

    Finally they poisoned my water supply with a fungus that turned my skin yellow, a trick used by the Triad to mark somebody for execution, then my mum (Who had a big part in my persecution) ordered me to WALK to North Manchester General.

    How I got there was a story in itself, but I got help from a taxi driver who drove me to the hospital.

    They were expecting me at the Psychiatric unit and they redirected me to A&E where the Police, Press and Media were waiting with my stepfather in a wig.

    He is a retired Police Officer who never retired and he acted as my next of kin so they could have me physically examined without my consent, the doctor confirming the injuries I suffered when I was raped at the age of eleven.

    My greatest and most humiliating secret.

    When I got home my friends showed up carrying messages from my tormentors , apologising for what they had done and my cowardly friend Darren brought me a message from Bob “That it was nothing personal he just needed the money.”

    So he destroyed my life and and beat me bloody in my in my own home because he needed the money…

    Today I am the proud possessor of a CRB certificate which shows my pristine criminal record and clears me to work with the with the elderly, disabled, vulnerable adults and children.

    Needless to say I will never work with children ever again…

    Love and hugs!


    • tinkerbelle86 September 6, 2011 at 2:54 pm #

      Im going to be honest, I dont know where to start with this love. Im very sorry to hear all of that and Im glad you are out of that situation now.

      • prenin September 6, 2011 at 3:59 pm #

        Thanks hun.

        It was two and a half years of unmitigated Hell and, though it happened twelve years ago, I am still mentally ill and likely to remain so for the forseable future.

        Pat and the girls now look after me and I got Emily through University with a 2/2 which I am proud of, but I now know I cannot trust anyone around me because of what they did for money…

        Love and hugs!


  4. brainrants September 6, 2011 at 3:27 pm #

    I was about hauled in by military police because I shouted, “Slow down!” from my front porch at them. They were speeding down my street (on a military base) and we got into a chest-bumping “don’t confuse your rank with my authority” talk. I said “fine, if you can come up with a denial of your cruiser’s onboard computer that will show you were doing about 30 in a 15 zone… with all these kids out here.” He puffed some air and left.

    Sorry you had to experience American (bad), Californian (worst) cops. Surprised nobody got tazed or ‘treated like a King.’

  5. ceciliag September 6, 2011 at 4:12 pm #

    Oh that was so funny .. poor you and hilarious your drunk mate taking photographs out the window!! c

  6. Evie Garone September 6, 2011 at 4:17 pm #

    Love you site…very funny stuff! Thanks for visiting mine, Evie

  7. richripley September 6, 2011 at 4:22 pm #

    I love cops. I have to call them weekly for the idiots that come into our store and do stupid stuff…that being said….I do my best to steer clear of them while I drive. When I was pulled over a year ago (for not having my headlights on at 11 o’clock at night) I think that the cop was disappointed that I wasn’t used to the new truck and wasn’t drunk. He cut me loose in less than three minutes. Go figure.

  8. We're Jumpin' September 6, 2011 at 5:11 pm #

    The first time I got pulled over I was 16, in my moms Sportrac. I wasn’t use to driving my moms truck as I usually just drove my car, but it was in the shop. Anyway, I was driving my moms truck, I set the cruise control for 60 mph as we was driving pretty much straight on a road, well I had to stop at a red light and the cruise control got cancelled. The light turned green and I was trying to set the control again, well I set it going up a hill, not thinking the cruise control would set the gas peddle in and I would go faster on the way down the hill. The cop clocked me doing 75 mph! I was crying when he came to the window, I had no clue I was even going that fast as my best friend and I was just talking and chatting along. The cop did see the problem and let me go with doing 5 mph over the speed limit but my ticket was still $96.
    Lesson learned anyway 🙂

  9. brainrants September 6, 2011 at 6:54 pm #

    Oh, and In-n-Out is the hamburger gold standard of the world, period. You have experienced the best.

  10. BongoDogOwner September 6, 2011 at 6:55 pm #

    A friend of mine met every police officer in town when he first moved here. I think he finally learned to drive the speed limit because I haven’t heard any stories recently. Sounds like you learned faster than he did – and got the benefit of extra time at In and Out when your uncle was stopped.

  11. mbryant613 September 6, 2011 at 6:55 pm #

    I have had quite a few run ins with the law although most times were not my fault. I did get out of this particular ticket for running a stop sign with a fib. I know, shame on me. I was on my way to a friends house and had quite a terrible cold and an abcessed tooth which had swollen my face to astronimical proportions. I was having a sneezing fit and did not see the stop sign which I proceeded to run. I didn’t notice the cops behind me til I heard the “whoop-whoop” and saw the flashing lights.
    When he got out and approached my window I had already leaned over to get license and registration out of the dash. When I turned around he got this surprise look on his face which immediately turned to concern. He asked me, “Miss are you alright?” I burst into tears and tried to reply that I was not alright He didn’t understand a word I said because of said abcessed tooth and swollen mouth and stuffy nose. He handed me his ticket pad and told me to just write was I was trying to say. I wrote that I was sorry and that I was just in a hurry to get to my friends home. He asked me if I had been beat up or something. I nodded no but he looked like he didn’t believe me. He told me that he would follow me to my friends home to make sure I was ok.
    When we pulled he got into his car and allowed me to go on and he followed me. When we got to my destination he went ahead of me to the door and spoke to my friend first and explain how he pulled me over and the condition he found me in. He told her that he thought I’d been beaten and that I was trying to cover for someone. He made sure all was ok before releasing me into her custody.
    I was eventually able to explain to her that I was not in trouble nor had I been beaten up but that I did need an escort to the dentist and some cold medicine.

    • tinkerbelle86 September 6, 2011 at 10:03 pm #

      i salute you. slightly bad, yet fantastic all the same 🙂

  12. Gary Lum September 6, 2011 at 10:31 pm #

    When I think booby I think this http://www.hellishhumor.com/Blue-footed_booby.jpg
    My boss rarely swore but he would often say he wanted to use the in and out word!
    I’ve had a few run ins with police. One time the copper unclipped his holster while he opened my car door. It’s a funny story but not for now.

  13. MyBurntOrange September 6, 2011 at 10:32 pm #

    I got stopped by the popo a couple of years ago, in broad daylight and had my boot searched for bombs and stuff… you know, coz perhaps I look llike a terrorist, t was all routine and VERY random. My hubby got pulled over on saturday night, he was driving a rental that had a stcky boot. When the popo asked him to open the boot and it was stuck, they shoved him over, called for backup, had 2 extra patrol cars turn up and they threatened to rip out the back seat. Finally the boot decided to open, nothing to be found and they let him go on his way. They were probably just doing their jobs and got overexcited by a faulty boot.

  14. Gary Lum September 6, 2011 at 10:32 pm #

    Oops that link may not work, sorry. Google blue footed booby.

    • tinkerbelle86 September 7, 2011 at 11:26 am #

      hahahah… it says you are a stupid theif.

  15. K.Just.Call.Me.K September 7, 2011 at 3:09 am #

    Hahahha! That’s hilarious. I love your writing 🙂 So fresh and amusing. I’ve only been pulled over once for speeding, but got an oral warning.

  16. SFB September 7, 2011 at 1:33 pm #

    At least english traffic police don’t have guns!!

  17. Tinytoes September 12, 2011 at 11:44 am #

    Whoa that’s a nice post n i love it 🙂 🙂 I haven’t got caught yet 😀

Speak Your Mind.... Laughter is Catching!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: