This Will Self Destruct In Ten Seconds

26 Aug

My sister has a naughty streak wider than mine. Being the younger one she learnt from my mistakes, and where I tiptoed sensibly around issues and trials, she went full steam ahead behind me, picking her battles by seeing where I went horribly wrong, and where she had room to try it out for herself.

When I was seventeen I had a New Years Eve party. My dad was aware of it but went out, and I had a few friends over for some drinks. Nothing wild, and not old enough to go to an actual pub, that sort of party.

My sister was allowed to stay with us rather than going out with my dad, so I think he was pleased he didn’t have to make arrangements for her. She was quite well behaved, playing Pictionary and Articulate with us and being in awe of all my friends. Unknown to me however, she was going round finishing off all the dregs left at the bottom of other peoples glasses and was steadily getting more and more merry.

It was only discovered quite how drunk she was when she went to hit my friend Iain with a pillow. She drunkenly swung and knocked off one of my Mum’s display plates which lived on the wall above the sofa and had survived there in relative peace for years. My mum absolutely loves these plates; she has a whole collection of them, all with different Japanese scenes on them. We think they are hideous, but each to their own. The plate came flying off the shelf and landed on the floor; there was a panicked look that went between me and the little Tinker like electricity, and silence descended. I tiptoed over and turned the plate, noticing a large piece had chipped off. Danielle went mad. Total panic crossed her face and she started gabbling about how dad was going to kill her etc etc.

I put her to bed.

The next morning she got up and took all the crockery out of the cupboard. When dad found her she had washed and dried all the items, and was putting them all back in the cupboards. She was still drunk.

The difference between the two of us is the consistency of the Tinker Trouble. My sister is on a slow burn; constantly troublesome and prone to do something naughty. When she does things we always try to placate her by saying “oh well, you learn from your experiences” and she always concedes that actually, she probably won’t learn at all.

My naughtiness is worse. Because it comes in waves. Something will make me push the big and shiny self destruct button and I turn into the Tasmanian devil, a whirling dervish of trouble and mischief. Normally sensible me becomes this little bundle of energy who will go out partying and not return till the morning, or dance on the bar and encourage a lock in. Past self destruct moments have included convincing an entire car load of friends to drive to Brighton at 4am because the chip shop was shut in Guildford, and sit and have fish and chips on the pebbles in the rain as the sun came up, or the time I accidently booked a holiday when drunk and ended up leaving for Greece two days later with my housemate. My first button push came at thirteen when me and a friend procured a box of Marlboro reds and snuck out and smoked all twenty in the middle of the night in about half an hour. Needless to say I have never touched a cigarette since as it made me so ill, and I don’t expect to ever do so! Tasmanian Tinker is a bit of a force to be reckoned with, and I secretly quite like her.

Are you constantly trouble, or do you have your moments where you can’t be contained?

As an aside, get well soon to my Northern friend, the mon-keh, who has done something traumatic to his knee while playing rugby and is feeling sorry for himself, sitting at home with too much time on his hands. It has been commented that I never mention in my blog how much I am head over heels in love with him (my blog, I might add which he has only just discovered!)  and so I wholeheartedly apologise for this oversight (this is obviously a joke!). Get well soon. This isn’t a radio station, I don’t do shout outs! I’ve also had a lot of comments recently from people I know about them reading my blog (bit scary. I feel safer being anonymous) which is lovely so thank you to everyone reading. If you like it, if something makes you laugh or you want to say your piece then please comment! It’s so nice to get feedback.

Hope you all have a lovely weekend.


14 Responses to “This Will Self Destruct In Ten Seconds”

  1. BermudaOnion August 26, 2011 at 11:46 am #

    At 52, I’m rarely naughty anymore. *sigh*

  2. prenin August 26, 2011 at 11:47 am #

    Hi hun! 🙂

    I loved the story – especially the drunk sister bit when she did all the washing up!!! LoL!!!

    Sounds like a good memory to have! 🙂

    Love and squishy hugs!


  3. LittleMissVix August 26, 2011 at 1:23 pm #

    That reminds me of when I was about 5 and with a friend polished off the dregs of our parents wine whislt they had dinner in the next room. Suddenly we were running about, giggling and they were at a loss 🙂 I like the Brighton fish and chips idea!!

  4. Megan August 26, 2011 at 2:24 pm #

    Hysterical! My lil sis used to sneak sips of my mom’s wine bottle in the fridge… when mom noticed it was missing, she blamed me and I got in trouble for it…not the sister. Go figure!!!

  5. Laura4NYC August 26, 2011 at 2:30 pm #

    Ahhh, bar work, yes, I did it too! I enjoyed it more in Germany than in NY, though, people can be real dick heads here. You practically live on your tips here – some nights are high, some are really really low. Kinda frustrating if you ask me.
    But if you find a great bar with mates you can work with, it is fantastic, I agree! I ended up in a bar with bitchy other chicks who were trying to be mean to me, but that is another side of New York New York lol
    Are you still a bartender?

    • tinkerbelle86 August 26, 2011 at 2:43 pm #

      no not anymore. i loved it but it barely paid the bills. i had to move home and i struggled, so i went back to a proper 9-5 instead of a 5pm – 3am number!

  6. Shonnie August 26, 2011 at 2:50 pm #

    The main problem I have is … I open my mouth and say what is on my mind. In the deep south here in the good ole USA that is NOT allowed. We have a culture that is very much like oriental culture — one must always be polite even if we are cursing you in our minds and there as so many rules you need a guide book just to get through them. So — I fry the church ladies nerves and all the southern bells. They think I am from the north — I was born and raised in the deep fried south and I just don’t get the need to for all the fluff. 😀

  7. ceciliag August 26, 2011 at 10:56 pm #

    Wow.. I loved that one.. I had two sisters you can imagine and three brothers !! and I was the eldest AND I was always getting in trouble because THEY were naughty.. loved that story! c PS I am still naughty and getting in trouble mainly because (i think) people don’t GET my sense of humour?!! c

  8. Tilly Bud August 27, 2011 at 7:24 am #

    Seems to me good things always come from your naughtiness 🙂

  9. tinkerbelle86 August 27, 2011 at 4:04 pm #

    hmmm, not too sure if thats true but thank you! i would like to say that you get a more distorted view and i only post the funny things, but thinking on it i actually post all the downright embarrassing things too, in the sake of humour. so you probably get a pretty even mix!!

  10. xxbreexx August 27, 2011 at 5:44 pm #

    You are so FUNNY ^_^

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