Sometimes the most haunting or memorable words come from the darkest of places. I mean one of my most popular posts was the one about the aftermath of watching ‘Yes Man’ and meeting up with my first boyfriend for a drink (if you think this is a bad idea then you wouldn’t be the only one, and yes, it was a horrible idea. It’s not really Jim Carrey’s fault either. Its mine. And yes, you would also be right in thinking that sometimes I am a sucker for punishment, and you are watching a train wreck about to happen, over and over).
It seems that when I am at my most fragile and tempestuous, I write the best stuff. Whether that’s because I am channelling my inner Victor Meldrew or because discontent is behind the words I don’t know, but what I do know is you guys are suckers for applauding a girl when she’s down! My posts have been a little lacklustre recently, but I have been in a good place thanks to the introduction to my world of a larger than life personality with a sense for the amusing and a rare and unusual temperament, a caring soul who I would have done anything for. Not like me, I hear you cry! Well, quite.
And as they say, people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I’m not sure where this one fits in but like every season the leaves must change, and for whatever reason they have fallen. They go through those beautiful colours; the oranges and reds of the autumn, until they fall to the ground, dead and done with. Part of me thinks that Mother Nature was a woman scorned, and she punishes us with the dark days and cold nights of winter, to prove to us that you can have the glorious and hazy summer days, but then they must be ripped for you like a plaster off a wound, so you can fully appreciate it when the buds push up through the earth signalling the arrival of spring.
Simple. Sim – puhl, meaning not elaborate, artificial, unaffected, unassuming. Not complicated.
Apparently not. Nothing in my life is ever simple, and I think that times are often sent to test us, to make us prove that we are stronger than we think. Don’t get me wrong, on a scale of mass murder and organised crime there is nothing terrible going on in my life, but I have that feeling that I need to get moving and forget my ideals and thought processes. It seems to me that in a time when you never get something for nothing, wanting a life that is simple is never going to happen. I just want things to go without a hitch for one time. Just one! But I often get the feeling that what I want isn’t the path I have been given, so I need to stitch up the holes, patch the battle wounds and get back up again. I feel a bit like a zombie in a computer game; destined to always get back up with a groan and get on with it but to look a little worse for wear and like I need a good rest. It feels a little like recently; although I am still bouncing back a bit of the spring has gone, and like a tired old mattress, if you jump on me you might feel the floor rather than springing off to the ceiling.
I’m going to play the lottery tonight. And then I’m going to go home and channel all my energy into wishing upon a star, and maybe one day soon the pieces of the puzzle might just fall into place. But I lucked out on puzzle delivery; when some other people stood in line and received the My Little Pony one, I got the magic eye. You know the one where all the pieces look the same and you can’t work out what goes where? Well that’s just me all over!
(you wouldn’t want to look at that with a hangover now would you?!)
So when you see me on the news holding the massive paper cheque, being all smug at my win be pleased for me. I promise I will buy a house somewhere fantastic and let you all stay in it for free. After all, the catharsis of the written word and the pleasure I get from the support you people give will not go unnoticed, sometimes when you feel the worst people who cannot put a face to your name lift your spirits the most and turn the light back on in the darkness of a foul mood.
Or the helpful comments of a friend who is always there to pick me up at my most miserable.
“Don’t worry Tink. You might feel bad, but at least you aren’t stationed in Germany eating sausage and singing folk tunes.”
There is always that.