JUST GO AWAY!!!

11 Aug

Some days are just never going to go well are they? “Did you get out of bed on the wrong side this morning?” is one of those questions that makes you want to incite violence at the best of times, but when it is asked to a person in a bad mood, it is never going to lighten the atmosphere.

I honestly believe that the right side (directionally) is my wrong side. Some mornings I just wake up in a cloud and it gets darker and more opposing all day. It doesn’t actually happen that often, but when it does, y’all better stay out my way!

So this morning I managed to nearly blend my finger while making my smoothie after waking up thinking it was Monday morning. I don’t know why this met me with doom, if I had been experiencing groundhog day for the previous Monday I wouldn’t have minded, I don’t particularly mind Mondays and I had a pizza evening at the pub planned with my friends, plus the boy was joining us. Yet I was annoyed. Luckily it’s Thursday. The sky echoed my mood as I left for work; grey and dismal and everyone on the road was driving like my great grandmother with cataracts.

I got to work and threw myself into it, determined to push the cloud away and find the sun (you wouldn’t think this was that tough a job in August, but you would also be wrong), but when I logged into my work blog to check how it was going / do some work on it / assess my kingdom, I found that I was featuring for some rather specialist search terms. Specifically bad ones were “little boobs”, “hot Arab sex” and some other ones that I don’t think I can colour the air with. It seems that when writing a travel piece on the United Arab Emirates I had completely innocently managed to use the terms ‘Arab’ ‘gold sprinkles’ and ‘bottom’ in the same sentence. To me, a great piece on the draw of Abu Dhabi, to the search engines something slightly more xrated. FML.

Then I headed off to town to buy myself some false eyelashes as a cheer up (I didn’t say I was especially complex, getting distracted with fluffy and fluttery things quite easily) and some woman decided to drive a trolley right into the side of my car. If you know me at all you will know that I am not a great car person, and bad luck comes propelling towards me like metal to a super strong magnet, but that was no excuse. She walked straight into my car. This was fine, I was going to rise above it (channelling my inner grown up) but I had my windows open so she decided to pop her head through and say “you really should be more careful” while tutting and shaking her head.

I lost it. In a calm and measured way. My bloody engine wasn’t even on! The car was stationary!

“Sorry, what is the problem?” I heard myself say, in a kind of rising above my body and watching the situation play out way.

“You should be more careful and watch for pedestrians. You young people! Tut tut, suck of teeth suck of teeth tut” said Irma the Interferer.

“Well I AM SORRY” I said “but I think you are mistaken. If you poke your head a little further into my personal space you will see the car keys aren’t even in the ignition yet. The car wasn’t actually moving. Maybe I should be more careful of dotty women wielding trolleys, but I wasn’t aware this was part of the Highway Code! This clearly is an affliction of US YOUNG PEOPLE”. Lord. I wish I had control of my inner mardy teenager.

“Just be careful. Tut tut suck of teeth tut” she said “seventeen year olds are often inexperienced but if you have just passed your test you should have the passed plates on.”

This was too much.
“IVE BEEN DRIVING FOR EIGHT YEARS! THE CAR WASNT EVEN ON! IM TWENTY FIVE!!!!! AAAARRRRGGGHH”

I must admit, it wasn’t my most dignified moment. But I feel I was pushed to it.

So Thursday, thanks for your influence on my life, but I am now at home. I have had a shower, brushed my toothipegs, and I am going to bed to sleep you off and avoid you inflicting any more pain on my otherwise perfect day!!

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26 Responses to “JUST GO AWAY!!!”

  1. writerwannabe2011 August 11, 2011 at 10:27 pm #

    Have a better Friday! Loved that you are as passive-agressive as I am 😀

    • tinkerbelle86 August 12, 2011 at 9:13 am #

      i totally am. read ‘excuse me while i kill you all’ about the passive agressive stance i take in the office. i think i posted it early june this year. im terrible i just dont like telling people stuff so i do it in a terribly nice tone and everyone ignores me! lol

  2. bonzoWhale August 11, 2011 at 11:56 pm #

    It’s days like that when I take the time to reflect on how other people usually have crappy days too. I try to remember those days whenever I get mad at someone, they’re probably just having a bad day and decided to annoy me while at it.

    • tinkerbelle86 August 12, 2011 at 9:13 am #

      you are clearly a better soul than me, i never do that!

  3. prenin August 12, 2011 at 7:15 am #

    Been there, bought the T shirt!!! LoL!!! 🙂

    Sometimes the elderly are sooo much hard work, especially the senile ones!!!

    Love and hugs!

    Prenin.

  4. Vix @ LittleMissEverything August 12, 2011 at 12:16 pm #

    That old lady was crazy, I don’t blame you for losing it!!

  5. Sandra Bell Kirchman August 12, 2011 at 8:42 pm #

    I always remember the exchange between the older woman and the two teen-age girls in a parking lot who zip their car in ahead of hers and laugh at her for being too old to get out of the way. She backs up and rams their car several times and yells at them something like, “Well, at least I have better insurance.” lololol It makes me laugh every time.

    Well, Belle (notice the nice sound of that?), turn the tables. Next time a similar situation arises, say in the sweetest possible of tones, “At least I don’t have to wear glasses to see my finger in front of my face, which is why you possibly didn’t notice a 3 ton vehicle standing in your path and decided to ram it out of your way. And by the way, you know what you can do with that finger you are trying to see!”

    Or…something like that I guess 😳

    • Sandra Bell Kirchman August 12, 2011 at 8:44 pm #

      Good lord, I did read this before I posted. Anyhow, that parking lot incident cited in the first paragraph was from “Fried Green Tomatoes” with Kathy Bates and Jessica Tandy.

  6. hotshot bald cop August 31, 2011 at 8:20 am #

    This made me chortle for an extended time.

  7. truthwithdoris August 31, 2011 at 8:12 pm #

    you told her good! woman is obviously some kind of idiot.

  8. UsneakydevilU October 26, 2011 at 8:57 pm #

    Good thing you’re nice (right?), if she stuck her head in the car of the wrong person we may be seeing the old lady reap the negative consequences of her stupid decision.

  9. Bloggo Schloggo October 27, 2011 at 12:33 pm #

    Good for you! I like your style of humor. It is very contagious.

  10. Kristina October 27, 2011 at 1:03 pm #

    Oh dear, sounds just like one of those days!!! 😀 I hope you have a better Friday and a fabulous weekend! Thanks stopping by and liking my posts! 😀

  11. barkinginthedark October 28, 2011 at 3:52 am #

    u should a punched her out (in your mind anyway). continue…

  12. Jim October 28, 2011 at 10:20 am #

    Clever you! It’s good to yell in traffic– with the windows rolled UP, because you never know these days.
    🙂

  13. floroy1942 October 28, 2011 at 1:06 pm #

    Great Post! Your sense of humour would brighten anyone’s bad day. Keep up the good work!
    Roy.

  14. life is a bowl of kibble October 28, 2011 at 3:12 pm #

    Favorite line “everyone on the road was driving like my great grandmother with cataracts.”It made me all most laugh myself out of my chair. I guess it tickled me so because I think I am that old women LOL Hope your day is better today.

    • tinkerbelle86 October 28, 2011 at 3:25 pm #

      ive had a lot of comments on this post in the last couple of days which is weird as it isnt a recent one. did you just find it on the site or is it posted elsewhere? really interested! thanks for dropping by, and for subscribing! why not enter the fancy dress competition for a bit of fun?

  15. Katie October 29, 2011 at 3:44 am #

    Definitely feel your pain. There are days when I am like the lead in the Tennessee Williams play, ‘The Glass Menagerie’ – his mother tells him to “Rise and Shine” – and he answers right back “I’ll rise, but I’ll be damned if I’ll shine!” Yes – there are definitely days like that – luckily a little caffeine and a lot of chocolate can make the pain go away!

  16. Daren Sirbough November 3, 2011 at 1:42 am #

    Ah aren’t those days the worst! Thank God they don’t have to be your entire life and that you can choose how to respond to such annoying drudgery. This provided me with a little bit of encouragement knowing that someone else struggles at times like I do. Funny read.

  17. nourishncherish November 3, 2011 at 7:04 pm #

    Look at it this way! She said you look 17 when you are actually 25 …. 🙂

  18. sheila7697 November 7, 2011 at 6:03 pm #

    Hilarious! I like your line “if you poke your head a little further into my personal space”.. Cute! Imay need to borrow that sometime!
    Thanks for the laughter! Sheila

  19. lifeintheboomerlane November 7, 2011 at 8:34 pm #

    Hilarious. I’m coming to the party late, which means I haven’t been getting your posts. Time to take action!

  20. bridgetstraub November 8, 2011 at 6:04 pm #

    I really enjoyed this. It cracks me up when people do stupid things and then try to place the blame on anyone but themselves. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

  21. susank456 November 9, 2011 at 12:39 pm #

    I know how you feel, I’ve had days just like that.

  22. Mike Martinez November 11, 2011 at 5:55 pm #

    Irma the Interferer. Love it! Lol.

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