This weekend I was sick, on the back of festival flu. I did my best to try to rally round. After all, Id been looking forward to the weekend since the last one! But I was feeble and ailing. Being diabetic, when the germs come it’s like being hit by the A team (ooooh, Bradley Cooper daydream….), and I’m not a fan.
It has come to my attention that I am pathetic when sick. I mope around looking like someone just pillaged my village and stole all my livestock (that sounds a bit wrong) and I generally make “no, I’m fine…” noises while sounding like I am coughing up a lung and other vital organs. I don’t like being sick. I get sick enough when I eat sugar, so a cold and cough are not welcome here. When Mel offers to make me tea I smile weakly and take everything I can get (I’m a tea whore. I love the stuff) but I have to remember to avoid my main vice, cheese, as it makes it worse. I don’t want to go into it too much, but let me just say that dairy is a no-no when phlegm is involved.
Anyway, off subject. I watched my housemates Michael Macintyre DVDs, on the basis that I was sleepy and didn’t think I could cope with watching something that I actually had to follow. Having watched sections of Horton Hears a Who the day before with my beloved Lillypad (who is three, and therefore far more receptive to these films, and intellectually on my level… “OOOHHHH Elephant!!!”) I didn’t think I could muster that either, so Michael took my attention. Which brings me to today’s topic…. baby names.
There are some names that are classic. Elizabeth, Danielle, Jessica for a girl, Tom, Ben, Matt for a boy. There are names that are a la mode, think Crystal, Lily, Olivia, Kai, Connor etc…
There are the ones that you don’t think will ever come back, like your nanas name or the name of the man who works in the garden centre (Mavis, Ethel, Norbert) and then there are the names that you just can’t imagine babies being called. What sort of parent names their baby Nigel for example? “Hi guys, meet the new baby, his name is Nigel!” you automatically think of Nigel Mansell, don’t you? Whacking great moustache and slightly creepy eyes. Or Brenda. I mean really.
Likewise Doris. My great nanny is called Doris (98, what a trouper). And therefore it is a bit of a family joke that anyone who is dawdling, or driving slowly, or just being a bit rude, is called Doris. Behind a slow moving vehicle when in a hurry, it is often heard shouted “Come on Doris, I’m late for work!!” When met with a cantankerous support person at sky “Just got off the phone to Doris at Sky, she said absolutely not, there was nothing she could do and then hung the phone up!”
Then there are the plain weird ones. Apple (jeez), Princess Trixiebelle or whatever Sir Geldof decided with the last one, and Blue. Parents who clearly didn’t want kids, and are seeking to have them victimised for their entire lives.
But there is one name that is never going to come back. Michael Macintyre is right. How many people do you know that have had a baby recently and called it Adolf? It’s never going to resurrect, is it?