Excuse Me While I Kill You All

11 Jun

According to the Geordie, I am the master of being passive aggressive. As the ‘go to girl’ in the office, I get some ridiculous questions at times and I try my best to not lose the plot when people ask me things that they don’t really need to, as they could solve the problem by themselves by just using their eyes. I respond with a smile, although inside my head the little voice says “why the hell do I know if there are any post its? Did you use the last pack? How am I supposed to know you did? I’m not a fricking mind reader!!!” or “no, I’m not going out to get the milk. I have just as much to do as you and I always forget to claim it back on my expenses!!”

So when I send an email round to everyone, she sends me one back. It normally reads something like this…

“Hi All,

If we could all take it in turns to empty the dishwasher that would be great, as everyone is using the stuff and it’s not our responsibility down here to always do it. Also if the dishwasher is fully of clean stuff please could you not just put your plate in the sink and leave it till someone else empties it? Or put the dirty plate in with the clean stuff? Its common sense.

Many thanks and fluffy kisses.


Well, sort of.

And I get an email back saying

“Read as the following…..

Hi All,

I’m getting really sick of cleaning up after you horrible bastards. I don’t have kids or a boyfriend for this reason; I cannot be bothered to act as a maid after an office full of smelly people who can’t be arsed to tidy up. If you can’t empty the sodding dishwasher then just don’t eat.

One day I will go mad and kill you all. And then you’ll see how annoyed I really am!

No one talk to me for the rest of the day.

Evil Laura downstairs who hates you all.”

At least there is someone in the office who listens to what I’m really trying to say!!!


12 Responses to “Excuse Me While I Kill You All”

  1. mairedubhtx June 11, 2011 at 11:57 am #

    That email was rather direct.

  2. rantonit June 11, 2011 at 12:28 pm #

    You’re funny (^.^)

  3. prenin June 11, 2011 at 2:53 pm #

    Sounds about right! LoL!!! 🙂

    Hope they sit up and take notice!!! 🙂

    Love and hugs!


  4. barb19 June 11, 2011 at 10:27 pm #

    Did it work?

  5. Redneckprincess June 12, 2011 at 4:51 am #


  6. Sandra Bell Kirchman June 12, 2011 at 6:37 pm #

    Hilarious. You should send another email around saying, “Whoever sent that last email in my name, congratulations on being a mind-reader. Signed Evil Laura.”

    Lol – and I’m like Barb…did it work?

  7. Missey Twisted June 12, 2011 at 8:35 pm #

    Sounds like the co-workers who come to your office while you’re typing 90 miles an hour while on the phone and ask, “Are you busy?”

  8. Megan June 13, 2011 at 2:58 am #

    Haha! Nice! That’s great… and more than likely what many of us secretly think about different situations! 😀

  9. egills June 13, 2011 at 2:37 pm #

    Hmm… I get like that – especially the irritating text asking me to get milk on my way in – I don’t even drink the stuff!

  10. An Embarrassment of Freedom June 14, 2011 at 2:38 pm #

    I enjoyed reading through your bolg and can relate on the points about enjoying flowers, putting up with work mates who are rather helpless ( I used to write notes on the staffroom chalkboard like your email about the dirty dishes) and was called the _”voice of reason”_by my male collegues when they clashed with the other female teachers……Your style of writng would make good material for a sitcom on television,,,good stuff! I can’t remember any unique dates (so long ago) but i do recall wonderful adventures with one of my handsome male friends ( we took tap dancing and drama classses together, had weekends away at his cottage and made curtains for my son’s room together….You guessed it, he has a boyfriend!

    • tinkerbelle86 June 14, 2011 at 8:49 pm #

      The good ones always have boyfriends 🙂 hehee. Thanks for dropping by

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