I have spent a lot of time these past few weeks with teenage boys and a teenage girl, and it has made me think a lot about the way people work and the differences between the sexes.
When boys fight, they fight. Whether it be fists of cutting words, or a duel (don’t ask!) the problem is out in the open and rectified. It’s settled there and then; they are either friends or they aren’t, and they go off on their paths. Normally with boys the problem is all sorted. And I like the way that works.
Girls are a whole different ball game. At 12, when they fall out its tears and sadness; one girl is being mean so by definition the whole group alienate her and she therefore has to make friends with the ringleader or have to find a whole bunch of new friends.
And it doesn’t get better as you get older. In your twenties, you would hope that if a friend has a problem with something you have said or a behavior that you have displayed, then they would lay it out on the table and give you the chance to change that behaviour or apologise, or discuss should you feel this not to be the case. By the age of twenty, I don’t think it should be the case that people get alienated and their feelings hurt, as by this age we are grown ups. especially if you have been friends fora long time; people have personal things that may change their behaviours, and if a friendship has existed for a while then surely you have been friends long enough to give that person a chance, once confronted with the issue? That’s just my thought anyways.
But on consulting the older and wiser, im sad to report that girls just don’t change. In your forties and it might not be the girls you went to school with or work with, but the mums that your kids are friends with or the people in your tennis club. Say something that they feel is out of turn, divorce your husband or move out of the area and you might find yourself alienated from the group too.
Sometimes I think it would be easier to be a boy. I hope that if you are reading this and you are in the situation of falling out with a friend in this way then you take the time to think that yes, they may have annoyed you, but think of all the fun and support they have given you. And if you have upset someone, think about just biting the bullet and saying sorry. yu might need to swallow your pride, but if it saves a friendship then surely that’s the best thing for you and the people around you?
And boys, no sword fights. OK?