A friend sent me a forwarded email this morning. They arent something that I normally read, as I have a work laptop and downloading stuff is always risky, but I did anyway. And Im glad. The questions below are genuine questions posed to sixteen year olds on a paper. These kids will soon be adults. And then they will reproduce. The world is doomed!!!
Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar (come on now, did someone go down to the park and do some illegal drinking last night?)
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists (i dont think that the waters agency regard dead sheep to me a ‘large pollutant’)
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire (shame you cant buy leaf deoderant then, isnt it?)
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight (NATURE ABHORS A VACUUM??? he was clearly just trying to use a new word)
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed (number one importance when buying a home)
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election (this has to be a boy, having a laugh)
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental (hahahahahah!! its a cultural thing)
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow (dude, what??? where was he going with this one??)
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..(wtf!)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
Q. What is the most common form of birth control ?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome (again, this has to be a lad)
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.( I dont even get this, thats how old, or clever I am! )
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant, brilliantly stupid)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
Now I cant think that these are actually genuine answers. I remember taking my GCSE’s and these questions are a bit weird for a start. But this made me laugh so much.
Hope you enjoyed!