Exam. FAIL

30 Mar

A friend sent me a forwarded email this morning. They arent something that I normally read, as I have a work laptop and downloading stuff is always risky, but I did anyway. And Im glad. The questions below are genuine questions posed to sixteen year olds on a paper. These kids will soon be adults. And then they will reproduce. The world is doomed!!!

Q.  Name the four seasons.
A. Salt,  pepper, mustard, and vinegar (come on now, did someone go down to the park and do some illegal drinking last night?)
Q. Explain one of  the processes by which water can be made safe to  drink.
A. Flirtation makes  water safe to drink because it removes large   pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and  canoeists (i dont think that the waters agency regard dead sheep to me a ‘large pollutant’)

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down  on the leaves and makes them perspire (shame you cant buy leaf deoderant then, isnt it?)


Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The  tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water  tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on  the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun  joins the fight (NATURE ABHORS A VACUUM??? he was clearly just trying to use a new word)

Q.  What guarantees may a mortgage company insist  on?
A. If you are buying a  house they will insist that you are well  endowed (number one importance when buying a home)

Q. In a democratic  society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex  can only happen when a male gets an  election (this has to be a boy, having a laugh)

Q. What are  steroids?
A. Things for  keeping carpets still on the  stairs (Shoot  yourself now , there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to  your body as you age
A.. When  you get old, so do your bowels and you get  intercontinental (hahahahahah!! its a cultural thing)

Q.  What happens to a boy when he reaches  puberty?
A. He says goodbye to  his boyhood and looks forward to his  adultery (So  true)

Q. Name a major  disease associated with cigarettes?
A. Premature  death

Q. What is  artificial insemination?
A. When  the farmer does it to the bull instead of the  cow (dude, what??? where was he going with this one??)

Q. How  can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the  cow (Simple,  but brilliant)

Q. How  are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The  abdomen)
A. The body is  consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the  abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax  contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity  contains the five bowels: A, E,  I,O,U..(wtf!)

Q.  What is the fibula?
A. A  small lie

Q. What does  ‘varicose’ mean?
A.  Nearby

Q. What is the most  common form of birth  control ?
A. Most people prevent  contraception by wearing a  condominium  (That would  work)

Q. Give the meaning  of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean  section is a district in Rome (again, this has to be a lad)

Q. What is a  seizure?
A. A Roman  Emperor (Julius  Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a  terminal illness?
A. When you are  sick at the  airport.

Q. Give an example  of a fungus. What is a characteristic  feature?
A. Mushrooms. They  always grow in damp places and they look like  umbrellas

Q. Use the word  ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its  meaning
A. Hands that  judicious can be soft as your  face.( I dont even get this, thats how old, or clever I am! )

Q. What does the  word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign  is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant, brilliantly stupid)

Q. What is a  turbine?
A. Something an Arab  or Shreik wears on his  head

Now I cant think that these are actually genuine answers. I remember taking my GCSE’s and these questions are a bit weird for a start. But this made me laugh so much.

Hope you enjoyed!

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7 Responses to “Exam. FAIL”

  1. prenin March 30, 2011 at 7:51 am #

    My favourite was: ‘Captain Cook Circumsized the globe with his forty foot clipper.’ LoL!!!

    God Bless sweety!!!

    Prenin.

  2. T.R.Leigh March 30, 2011 at 1:57 pm #

    I, too, thought the answer to keeping milk from souring was brilliant. Maybe there is some hope. Good thing I’m not having kids, I won’t have to feel personally responsible for churning out an adult who doesn’t know what the four seasons are. LOL

  3. Megan March 31, 2011 at 2:10 am #

    Sad thing is that there are really people this “dumb” in the world. What is wrong with that? Seriously, reading this did make me feel as if I am a brilliant individual! 😀 God help us in the future!!!

    • tinkerbelle86 April 1, 2011 at 9:27 am #

      think wisely about what you teach those kiddies!

  4. egills March 31, 2011 at 9:11 am #

    Oh no! Now I have the Fairy washing up advert going off in my head….
    Had I had some of those questions when I was doing my exams I’d have sailed through!

  5. nigel April 7, 2011 at 7:33 am #

    Love the 4 seasons one! 😀

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