Recycled Men

24 Mar

I read Jules’s blog about marriage recently, and as normal, it sent my mind pinging off onto a random thought process.

Recycled men.

No, I don’t mean men made out of old yoghurt pots and tin foil (although after my experiences with the opposite sex this might minimise a lot of stress!) I mean exs and men that are part of your past.

It has sparked a mental dialogue.

I used to firmly believe that if you had been with someone and it hadn’t worked then you should leave the past in the past. Josephine will back this up; whenever she tells me about guys that have text her, I holler “RECYCLING!” and insist she finds someone new. I recognise this isn’t super helpful.

But then I read a story about a girl who met a boy at school, went out, split up a year later and though nothing more of it. Then ten years later, when she had a child and had recently been divorced, he got back in contact. They have now been married for forty years.

So can it work? Can someone be right for you, but you just met them at the wrong time? And can splitting up with someone and getting back together with them after time has passed by ever be something that will work out?

I can’t work out if I’m a yes or a no on this one, after all I guess it depends how much time has gone by and how much the person has changed, or remains the same.

Please note Jo – if you are reading this, I will still be shouting recycled. I apologise, but some things never change!

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29 Responses to “Recycled Men”

  1. Jules March 24, 2011 at 9:25 am #

    i could never in a split second go back to my exes. I know I can do better without them. That saying, i’d never say no to G, being the sexy beast that he is…. (or J…!) xx

    • tinkerbelle86 March 24, 2011 at 1:40 pm #

      i need to find out more about this Jules, im always so confused on G & J!!

      • Jules March 24, 2011 at 4:29 pm #

        oh, G is my major crush. J is G’s older brother, who i also find cute (but not AS cute as G). They’ve both been on telly in one form or another……..!!! xx

  2. Elin @andserenitytoo March 24, 2011 at 10:30 am #

    Interesting issue! I think it depends a lot on the reason it didn’t work out in the first place – if you were for example so young that you weren’t ready to commit, or you needed more experience, then it can work out if you get back together (me and my boyfriend were together for five months when we were 17, broke up on account to said immaturity, got back together when we were 24 and it is working great 🙂 )
    And sometimes I guess, if there are clear reasons for breaking up, people manage to work through their issues before they get back together.
    But often though, people “forget” why they break up in the first place and then you must not have dealt with the issues, so they are bound to resurface. Have seen it happen with my friends several times unfortunately.

  3. Joanne March 24, 2011 at 11:30 am #

    I think it totally depends on the person and why you broke up. I think when you date someone when you’re younger, like high school or college, you might just break up because of mechanical factors…going off to college or grad school, etc. but it may not mean that you’re not meant to be together. Then again, if you break up cause the dude is an a**…then it’s probably not meant to be.

  4. luzmaria17 March 24, 2011 at 1:16 pm #

    I went back to an ex and unfortunately it was a mistake. We split a second time but this time we were married so it was not as easy as just packing things and moving out. Oh well, a lesson learned. Ex’s are ex’s for good reason. : )

    Btw, I really look forward to reading your posts. Thanks for making me smile each day.

  5. gmomj March 24, 2011 at 1:53 pm #

    Interesting post. I have to give this some thought. Good stuff you are putting out there!

  6. vixter2010 March 24, 2011 at 2:05 pm #

    Def depends on the relationship and why it ended – cheating I would say, likely to do it again. I personally wouldn’t go back to my exes, I think I’d have better taste now 🙂 hehe

    • tinkerbelle86 March 24, 2011 at 2:20 pm #

      exactly. JoJo, if you are reading this… NO RECYCLING!!! 🙂

  7. Sandi Ormsby March 24, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

    I said this all the time in high school. I simply could not understand those who broke-up and got-back-together over and over again.

    Then, I realized they broke up when they wanted to date someone else, then they would go back to one another in between…crazy cycle of not wanting to be alone and they were familiar. However, you could see the ones that were going to have problems w/relationships as adults.

    I only did this once, broke up with someone I thought was “okay” but not really interested and then went back with him because he was really cute, but his personality, he was the biggest idiot and I was so hoping he had matured. He didn’t and that ‘bounce back’ was very fleeting. 🙂 Never did the bounce-back again…there were reasons why it didn’t work the first time!

    …But then again, some people can say I did with my husband. I went on like 3 dates with him, and then I moved and didn’t tell him. (wrong/place/time scenario) Then 3 years later contacted him, and we were inseparable ever since. I don’t really call it a “break-up” because we weren’t really “together” It’s all how you view it, I suppose.
    Sandi
    http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com

  8. Jo March 24, 2011 at 2:40 pm #

    Point taken 🙂 I know you are right really xx loving your work your literacy genius xx

  9. This Italian Family March 24, 2011 at 3:59 pm #

    Can you believe I’ve never had an ex? Christopher and I were each other’s first girlfriend/boyfriend and we never broke up. So no real advice here. My gut feeling is that taking back and ex is just all kinds of trouble, BUT! You make a valid point about people growing and changing. But again, no real advice here, haha!

  10. simplyshaka March 24, 2011 at 4:20 pm #

    Interesting topic. I am all for giving someone a second chance or “using them again” but I don’t know, I would tread lightly. I’m all for the whole people come into your life at a certain time for a reason but on the other hand, I think sometimes if you’re young and have an ex, it could work later when they mature. Or maybe I want to believe that because one is trying to make it into my recycling bin.

  11. idukdiixz March 24, 2011 at 6:37 pm #

    recycle men ,i afraid for next time the boy say ” recycle girl ”

  12. newFledged March 24, 2011 at 6:43 pm #

    Without words 😀

  13. Connie March 24, 2011 at 6:50 pm #

    i agree on not recycling, how ever i am not the best one to talk I went out with the guy im with now for 2 years we broke up for 9 months now we have been back together for 4 years but i always knew it was not the end.

    I agree that Jo should not be recycling her men and im trying to keep your message going from this end too lol.

    recycling can work but mostly it doesnt if after a second chance he/she is still not what is needed in your life try and move on ……..

  14. thewondermya March 24, 2011 at 9:16 pm #

    Wow Tinkerbell that’s synchronism… I was exactly asking myself the same type of question… would like to get the answer… thanks for this post !

  15. Redneckprincess March 25, 2011 at 1:38 am #

    I have found personally, that recycling doesn’t work, if they pissed me off before, something like the good sex will cover it up, but when we get back together, I will remember that they pissed me off soon enough. I learned this recently when I reunited with my first love from when I was 17. I am 47 now. It was a major nightmare. I should post about that one day, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings if he ever reads it. We are friends now, but going back again is definitely not recommended, from my perspective. 🙂

  16. Megan March 25, 2011 at 4:10 am #

    Recycled one fella over and over again for nearly 4 year while in college. We’d be together for a long while… he’d end it, ny heart would be broken. He’d come crawling back & I fell for it only for the cycle to repeat time & time again until I finally wised up & told him to kiss off & quit coming back I saw him one time about 2 years afterwards & he tried to weasel his way back in to the recycling bin. No dice! We’ve been in touch via facebook but eh, why bother. So I guess my viewpoint is a big fat no to recycling… seriously lady, we deserve better than that!

  17. Babygirl March 25, 2011 at 7:08 am #

    It definitely depends on how you broke up, the guy, and you. But if you were meant to be together, you will find each other and be together no matter what. Great post.

  18. Joannie March 25, 2011 at 10:26 am #

    Hey Laura!
    Loving the post…. I’m in a similar situation which has proven to be the best decision I’ve made, (when it comes to men!!!) whilst at school I met a boy and we hung out, wrote letters, emails, msn constantly, but when he asked me out, I was stupid enough to say no… fastforward 7 years we get in touch again, go out for a drink, spend a year being best and inseparable friends and finally got together almost 2 years ago and lived together almost a year now. I can honestly say I can see myself spending my life with him, he’s gonna be the most amazing father to our kids and I know it sounds cliche, but he feels like my soulmate and best of all we share a happy past. I think in some situations it is not right for everyone, but it all depends on circumstances.
    Mucho love and have a great holiday. Jo Watson xxx

    • tinkerbelle86 March 25, 2011 at 10:34 am #

      oh Jo, thats cute!! we should meet for a drink when we get back, I havent seen you since school 🙂 xxx

      • Joannie March 25, 2011 at 10:44 am #

        I know! apart from the odd drunken passing in Spoons!
        Drop me a email when you are back from hols and we can make a plan.
        Have a fantastic time! (very envious…I would love to be by a pool right now!)
        xxx

  19. Sandra Bell Kirchman March 25, 2011 at 6:04 pm #

    Quite often when two people meet and feel a mutual attraction, they are at the same level of awareness, the same state of consciousness if you like. However, that never remains static. Sometimes, the two grow at the same pace, and that is wonderful. Sometimes, one of the pair will grow much faster. When that happens…they grow apart and are no longer good for each other…for various reasons.

    Now, this is not to say that the slower of the couple will not catch up…whether or not they have separated. But if they stay together, the slower one will often hold back the quicker one. It is a universal truth that everyone grows at their own pace, and that is as it should be. Holding someone back creates resentment and anger. Trying to speed someone up creates…yup, resentment and anger.

    It is better that they separate. Perhaps when the meet again, they will be in synch again. If not, the same old resentments will surface and the reunion will fizzle.

    The trick in all this is to find, first of all, someone with a similar awareness and state of consciousness…then be aware if arguments and distance start becoming frequent that the process of growing apart has started. Sometimes counseling can cure it; other times not. Take each person as a separate case, although it’s also good to be guided by your own experience, just so long as you remain open-minded.

    Oh, and don’t always assume that you are the one that is growing the fastest 😛

  20. The Good Greatsby March 26, 2011 at 3:15 am #

    I definitely think suitable partners can come into your life at the wrong time. When you get older you re-think your reasons for thinking the relationship wouldn’t work.

  21. mybusinessaddiction March 29, 2011 at 10:02 am #

    Loved this post! I’m a hopeless romantic unfortunately so I think some recycling works. I do believe in different circumstances, a previous relationship can work. As many of your commenters have said, it depends how and why the relationship ended in the first place and how much of that can be changed. Great issue for discussion! Thumbs up. K

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