Life sometimes sucks. Life can knock the wind out of you at any foreseeable point and generally make you feel like complete rubbish, or it can kick you in the teeth when you least expect it. I’m lucky enough to have a friend who lightens my life at these moments, and generally, so this is the start of my “Life According to Emma” series. I might not update it regularly, but I feel the need to share them with you guys to cheer you up. They normally have some sort of basis and she is really intelligent, yet has a different way of looking at life. She is just brilliant.
“Isn’t the spleen extinct in your body because we don’t need to digest grass anymore?” me and Jim fell about laughing; she was referring to the appendix. In fairness, this was steeped in a bit of truth, so I’ll give her half a point for that. Emma 0.5, World 0.5.
When we were in Abu Dhabi, a man tried to swap her with us for a camel. It was hilarious. She wasnt impressed!! Emma 0.5, World (including camel man) 1.5
“ Make like a donkey and hit the road is a phrase, because donkeys have large dicks that drag along the road!” we questioned this, and Char piped up with “it’s actually because a donkey has to carry lots of heavy things and often get tired and fall over, therefore making like a donkey and hitting the road”. We actually Googled it then and there as we weren’t convinced on Chars answer either, and Em was right! Emma 1.5, world 1.5.
Last night’s one was my favourite. Picture the scene, we were stuffed with risotto, and in Jims case a three course meal of ice-cream, followed by risotto, followed by ice-cream. We were full, and watching TV, and Emma comes out with “don’t you just hate it when you fart inside?”
We asked her to explain, and she said that when you needed to break wind and you were in polite company, she hated it when you held it in and it “went off” inside, and it was embarrassing. This provided endless giggling from me and Jim, and trying to explain to her that farts weren’t like fireworks and they didn’t just ‘go off’ inside. She wasn’t convinced. By this point we couldn’t actually get words out due to intense laughing, all felt sick and in my case had tears streaming down my face. I can’t let her have a point for this, she isn’t a Catherine wheel. Emma 1.5, World 2.5.
Brilliant Emmy Lou, I love you!! Stay put for the next instalment, I’m sure it’s on its way pretty soon.