I have a theory that children are far more intelligent than we are aware of. This is based on the fact that they have a habit of saying the most inappropriate things at the wrong times, embarrassing adults all over the place. That kind of comic timing is rarely seen in adults, and therefore I believe there is something more to them than meets the eye.
Take my father’s wedding for example. My cousin has two little boys, aged five and four, who were dressed in their morning suits and behaving impeccably. The church went quiet, ready for the bride to walk down the aisle, and in the split second before the music began; Xander looked knowingly at the crucifix and said,
“Jesus got nailed at Easter, didn’t he mummy?”
OK, so I suppose theoretically he did get nailed to the cross at Easter, but his choice of words caused us all to fall about laughing, right at the minute where we should have been showing composure. Don’t invite us to weddings; we act badly in social situations.
At another wedding I went to this summer, the little angelic looking boy in front of me decided to announce at the top of his voice “Daddy just farted, and IT SMELLS!” right at the point where the vicar was trying to saw vows and wed the couple. See what I mean? Choice occasions to glean maximum impact from the crowd.
My favourite little pearls of wisdom come from Connor, who I see very rarely since my friends moved to Australia. When they lived in the UK I regularly used to babysit, and he was hard work. On one occasion I briefly left him quietly watching Peppa Pig for less than two minutes to have a wee, and when I came back he had dragged a chair to the window, procured a pot of Sudocrem and was craftily plastering it all over the window. When asked what he was doing, he replied “playing window cleaners”. Yep, I too had to play window cleaners for the next half an hour to remove it. And Sudocrem is like goose fat; trying to wash it off a surface is practically impossible! He also was given a super soaker water pistol and instructed not to fill it with water and squirt it round the house. Two days later, the front room was covered in liquid and he was on the naughty step. All you could hear was cries, and when questioned about why he was so upset he stared his mother straight in the face and said,
“Wasn’t water. Was TEA!!!”
He was three. I rest my case. The ingenious minds of the little people should worry us all greatly!