Insomnia: an inability to sleep; chronic sleeplessness
In the dark of the night, when the land sleeps and nothing stirs, I am often found awake. Not just sleepy yet not actually sleeping, but sat-bolt-upright, one hundred and ten percent awake. There is something quite frantic about not being able to sleep while the world sleeps around you; a panicky feeling incited deep in your heart. Its the thought that you stir while the world rests, that you are not in sync with your surroundings and that as a result you are impaired for daily life.
As the time ticks pasts, and the hours click through you find your heart beating faster. It’s an eternal circle, you can’t sleep yet you work yourself up about all the work you have to do tomorrow/how you will be tired for driving/how your body is craving a good night’s rest. And the more agitated you get, the less relaxed your body is, and therefore the harder it is to sleep.
As more and more nights go past where sleep evades you, you become like the walking wounded. Your mind adopts a coma like state and no information is retained. Personally I find myself weeping at the most inane things, like a trampled on flower or a lost cat poster.
Sometimes opening the window and listening to the rain mimicking the disquiet of my soul helps to calm me, like the gentle rocking of a baby. And that is how last night I managed to get by on two hours sleep, as opposed to none. The howling of the wind like a banshee on the moors calmed me, and my heart gradually slowed.
But some nights, the frantic impatience of the body craving sleep will not allow me this pleasure. Some nights I wander around the house, talk to the cat, watch some TV, but nothing works. Reading a book fails me, as my eyes begin to droop as I turn the pages, only for me to be wide awake again as soon as the light is off.
Like the seasons, my sleep cycles change. Im clearly just destined to live in another time zone.