Ageing Female – Handle With Care

20 May

Sunday heralded my 24th birthday. Not the end of the world, I hear you cry, but I had to resist the urge to cancel the weekend and throw myself head first under the duvet.

My lovely friends all joined me on the Saturday, bringing offerings to the God of Age, including delicious cake, thoughtful presents and lashings of alcohol. I had to stifle the question all day, “girls, do I have any wrinkles?’ and pasted on a perma-smile while downing my Pimms like I had fallen off the wagon. It didn’t help particularly that both my boyfriend and sister still are just 22, and still 21 respectively, so can remember clearly their teens, rather than in a fond, hazy sort of way.

We had a fantastic day, drinking in the garden (how very thirtysomething, you may be thinking) and eating barbecue food, favouring the marinated chicken and pork chops, as opposed to the burnt sausage and food poisoning burger of our youth. We were however, indoors by eight watching Britain’s Got Talent, and in bed before the witching hour.

My point is, how have I got to the stage where I am concerned about my age? The reason is this. Facebook. Facebook gives you the chance to gain an insight into the lives of people you went to school with, and have never spoken to since. It allows you to delve deep into their souls, via the medium of stalking, and see what they do on a daily basis. And this is where the paranoia develops. Our peers are getting married, getting pregnant and having babies at an alarming rate. Unnecessary pictures of pregnant bumps and outy belly buttons are popping up all over the internet like dandelions in the lawn. It causes panic as we compare ourselves. Are we developmentally slow? OK, we could walk and spell at the right age, and did well at school, but have we missed the boat somewhere along the line? Will we remain single and childless, living only with a pack of cats as company, well into our old age?

The family don’t exactly help. Sensing my anxiety, my dear mother informed me that she was married and pregnant by my age. Not noticing her need to stop, she went on to add that my grandmother was married with two children at my age. Well la di da! Pass me the paper bag, I may just need to have a hyperventilate in the corner.

Thank goodness for my friends. My closest allies have put me back on planet sanity, as we are clearly normal. There is no need for panic. If you could pop your head in the door of my domestic bliss, you would see that actually I am really ill equipped for marriage or children. I have a basil plant that my boyfriend replaces on a monthly basis, so I don’t mourn its death and my inability to keep anything alive, and there is still champagne on the floor from the party that I cannot face clearing up. Its my last reminder of my twenty-third year on that planet, and a clear omen that I should not have a child in the near future. I’m not sure Harry would be able to find a replacement child quite as easily as the basil, now would he?

19 Responses to “Ageing Female – Handle With Care”

  1. California Yankee March 9, 2011 at 8:24 pm #

    I think it must be every mother’s duty to remark to her female children that she was married by the age of 24. I decided to really wind my mother up by living my life and having a good ‘ol time on my own – sort of 😉 – until after I had turned 40 (gasp!) and had met the right guy. I was very pleased to read your conclusion. Don’t worry about what other’s think (and anyway, your Mum will probably still love you no matter what you do!); do what makes you happy, and what you know will continue making you (and those around you) happy.

    • tinkerbelle86 March 10, 2011 at 10:18 am #

      wow… i cant imagine that. ill be 25 in 6 weeks. Argh!!

  2. Yasky March 10, 2011 at 2:57 am #

    I was on the phone when I clicked on this. Getting of the phone, my eyes bounced off the word “heralded” on your blog. Sent me right back to my phone, into its dictionary. What a messenger that Sunday was. I like the “drinking in the gardens” aspect of the birthday. Life is just as fun when you are happy with those around you. And trust me, if it’s not a chill birthday with friends you love, it would be chaos in a club (or rave) with random people trying to hit on you (or drinking from your bottle of alcohol). Happy belated!!!

    • tinkerbelle86 March 10, 2011 at 10:17 am #

      haha thanks, although it was nearly a year ago.. broken link fixed, thanks for the heads up 🙂

  3. Amiable Amiable March 10, 2011 at 3:22 am #

    Hold your ground, Tinkerbelle! Don’t let Facebook get the best of you! And go like this next time you hear those comments from your mother (with hands over your ears), “La, la, la, LAAAAAA, I can’t hear you! La, la, la, la, LAAAAAA!” She’ll forgive you … eventually. I’m a mom, and a daughter who didn’t listen to her mother and held out until 26 to get married and 27 to have her first born. I know of what I speak. More free and unsolicited advice available from me as needed.

    Thank you for visiting my blog and commenting!


  4. egills March 10, 2011 at 9:43 am #

    Ha ha.. I also had 2 kids and had been married and was in the middle of getting divorced by the time I reached 25! At least now I’m in my 40’s I still have the energy to enjoy life now the kids have grown up. ( Oh and I still manage to kill houseplants so it’s a surprise I managed to raise any kids at all ).

  5. Sandra Bell Kirchman March 10, 2011 at 10:40 pm #

    Good lord, girl. You are a relative teeny-bopper in the grand scheme of things. How do I know? Because I turned 70 last October. It surprised the hell out of me because I never thought (when I was 25) that I would make it this far. I looked at myself in the mirror and decided I did okay. It’s true I wouldn’t mind being 25 again for a little while, to be able to race upstairs again, or do cartwheels on the lawn. However, 25 is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.

    You are probably in a better mental space than I was, but I was so confused at 25. I had no idea who I was and what I was here for. I got married at 27 because I thought I had to…what else did women do in those days? It was still way to early for me. It’s not too early now.

    Let me tell you – in the 30’s you start learning about yourself, and it’s fun.

    The 40’s are probably the best years of your life. You still have your looks and a lot of your energy, but you also have a lot of wisdom that comes with being in that favored group.

    The 50’s are fun. I got more done in my 50’s because I was over that funk of who am I and where am I going? I had a pretty good idea by then.

    My 60’s were a hoot and a holler. Despite the fact that I found out I was diabetic, I had so much fun…with my writing, with my friends, with my life. You get to not care about the taboos or what people think or what society says you ought to be doing. They told me I should be old. I refused. So what they gonna do, sue me? heh heh heh

    • Sandra Bell Kirchman March 10, 2011 at 10:52 pm #

      P.S. I can’t wait to find out what the 70’s have in store for me 😀

    • tinkerbelle86 March 11, 2011 at 12:26 pm #

      i know, living in my twenties is rubbish at the moment! im diabetic too

  6. Carmen March 11, 2011 at 3:54 pm #

    Reading this post was like reading my journal a few years ago (I’m 28 now)- I was thinking the same thing, only my parents have always encouraged my brothers and I to hold off on marriage and children (but I still couldn’t help but compare my life to hers).

    When I hit 26 or 27, I stopped caring and now I’m actually looking forward to 30, when I will (hopefully) be finished with my master’s degree and I will (hopefully) have a real “grown-up” job somewhere.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t worry about when things are going to happen, take your time and do it right =)

  7. victoria lierheimer November 4, 2011 at 6:08 pm #

    Babycakes, you’re a riot and a half. I’m forty eight and don’t give British pound who knows or cares. Life is good, considering the alternative. You can visit my blog and find out all kids of depressing things that can, and probably will, happen to you as you get older, but who cares with today staring you in the face? The man of my dreams withered and died last year from cancer. Utterly horrible. He left me with four great kids, and when we get together, we have a good old time.
    Why not concentrate on a boy who loves you, snipping the basil leaves for your sandwich, and figuring out what comes next?

    Much love,

    • tinkerbelle86 November 4, 2011 at 6:12 pm #

      ah i love this comment!! im so sorry for your loss but glad you see the great things he brought you 🙂 I totally am concentrating on those things. or working at them anyway 🙂 hope you pop back soon x

    • Sandra Bell Kirchman November 5, 2011 at 6:22 am #

      It even hurts to read that – “the man of my dreams withered and died.” It has great impact for the reader, revealing part of what you must have felt. Are you a writer, Victoria?

  8. alisonamazed November 8, 2011 at 2:43 am #

    You are a mere child. 🙂

  9. alisonamazed November 8, 2011 at 2:48 am #

    …and you like my apple bread, so…ahhh…that proves:
    a) you can’t be all bad (+)
    b) you are a child and will never grow up (+)
    c) you will have a sweet tooth all your life and when you hit your forties the muffin tops on your jeans will confirm your fondness for sweets (-)
    d) even people in their 20’s like sweets (-)
    So your score is even! 🙂

  10. Chris Sheridan December 6, 2011 at 6:06 pm #

    Children are the death of romance. Well, not completely, but having them around sure doesn’t help to keep the fires of passion burning. So my wife and I were delighted when we finally got rid of our kids. (we sold them on eBay) It was a much smarter move for us than to take out a second mortgage on our home, so we could pay to get rid of them by sending them off to college. Having kids is overrated, and at 25 you still have enough time to enjoy being a kid for at least another five years. So enjoy being a kid! It’s a lot more fun than having one.

    Enjoyed reading your blog! 🙂

  11. Tanja July 31, 2012 at 3:23 pm #

    this is so cool, but c’mon you’re only 24!I’m 28, getting near 29, still unwed and childless ( and don’t think of changing that anytime soon), while some of my friends are already settled down. Things come to different ppl at different times, and even though I sometimes feel like I should be having all these things I know better and know that it still isn’t time for that! (even though my boyfriend would like to change that sooner than I want!;) love your wiriting


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